All poetry by "The Lost Poet" is protected by law from false representation, plagiarism and tampering. Use of these works without the written permission from the author is prohibited.
HOW LONG August 3, 2000
Somehow this pain is suppose to make you stronger.
I wonder how strong one person can be?
Seems as with every turn of the wheel yet another bids there fair well.
Folding before the hand is ever dealt out, cards still wrapped in plastic.
Found reading the instructions on how to play, blanking out what they try to say.
Later wondering what it was they said, and just how long they had been gone.
Oh yeah I'm strong, I portray it well as other seem to think.
I'm just a person like everyone else, I'm brokenhearted just as you are.
I feel the gut wrenched actions slowly twisting my intestines.
My eyes deliver salt dripped rain as yours do.
How strong can one person be?
How long till I can breath?, how long till I can see?
How long till I can be this strong person I portray?
TO STONED TO KNOW August 3, 2000
To stoned to know, I sat there with looks of illusion.
Knowingly captured in lost actions.
Knowingly caught in stupendous situations.
Cares? What were they? If so who gives a shit.
Yeah it's fun, staring blankly at bright lights as they tweak your mind.
Thinking "damn where is everyone."
Awaking alone, to stoned to know.
ANGELS August 3, 2000
Angels dressed in black parade the world in search of lost souls.
Masking as doers of good they prey on the unsuspecting.
Corralling them into herds speaking words of encouragement, words of aspiration.
Angels with wings of gold pick and choose the best of the worst,
Sending them to unknown brinks of time.
Left there to walk the space searching for reasons,
Reasons why they were so dreadfully mistreated.
Angels with no feelings walk the earth in search for the unloved.
Sending decoys to deceive there hearts.
Feeding them lost words of passion and desire,
Crushing them when they fall in love.
Angels masked as mortals interact with the world.
I've been deceived by such mythical creatures.
Once banished from here, I returned in seek of revenge.
The battles rage on.
YOUTH OF OLD July 31, 2000
In broken downed houses along paths of grass,
Downward over hills, through brooks lies systematic explanations.
Words drowned in alcohol from drunks, stained in nicotine.
The old, often broken hearted youth of old tell there stories.
Explaining how life's twisted ride unraveled.
They hold the answers, though we sit and nod facially paying attention.
Our eyes stay focused on the technology that has drifted our paths.
Maybe it's a good thing they can't set the time on a simple VCR.
Life needs to become simple again, it's become too fast.
Family live blocks away yet we never see them, children being raised by the neighbors wife.
Sunday dinners seated in front of a colored box, and we say we listen but are we really?
The all mighty dollar means nothing when you're alone, you can't buy everything.
Maybe we're just a little to self involved to care anymore.
EYES OF FIRE July 31, 2000
Eyes of fire dwelled in desire, screamed by shouts of unknown expressions lost in winds tide.
Floating upward in zig zag patterns, towards clouds, past space.
Eyes of fire mystify even magicians as they look for the illusions where there lies none.
Sitting stoned by amazement, hypnotized by, caught in the dance of desire.
Eyes of Fire though dwelled with desire close, left to wonder alas what it was at all.
OPTIMISM July 29, 2000
Cast in caves and caverns,
Walking lost within the darkness.
Surely you can free me.
Question will arise,
Will you?, or has time frozen over.
Until times collide, I remain here.
Hopes and dreams keep me alive.
Optimism still exists, even if it's not seen.
BEAUTIFUL July 29, 2000
I miss your smile,
The way it brightened up the already dim room.
You would walk in swaying your body back and forth,
Stopping for an instance to notice if I was looking.
I was, looking up to marvel thinking to myself god she's beautiful.
You would walk by my presence calking your head towards me still smiling.
My face following yours as you drifted by.
It drove me nuts,
It still does.
God she's beautiful, I miss her.
I miss your touch,
The way it melted my senses.
You would so softly touch my soul.
I would close my eyes and be rushed with emotion.
When we locked it seemed as one.
Thinking to myself god I'm so lucky.
Holding you for times eternity would suit me fine.
It makes me smile, just thinking about it.
It still does.
God I was so lucky.
I miss your kiss,
Such passionate lips, softly combined with eyes of the deepest brown.
I would stare into there memorizing ways, lost from everything.
Kisses that melted every doubt, every depressive thought from days.
Thinking to myself for once it has arrived.
I've waited and finally it has become.
Sitting back in sure aw, lost for all comprehensive speech.
It made time weary, it made life worthy.
God she's beautiful.
(To: Becky)
PERFECT July 29, 2000
Things aren't perfect, I for one never expected this.
When two of the same butt heads who will bow?
There's no need to quit, I for one can't.
There's no need to rest, I know I won't.
Things aren't perfect, but what is?
IF LIFE WERE A BOOK July 26, 2000
If life were a book,
I've read every single solitary word.
I've lived every descriptive scene.
Lived every stupid scenario thought up by psychopathic writers.
I believe I could write a book, covered in black with big bold gold text.
Text that reads "To Be Continued".
The resurrection of failure perfected in one step.
The saddest part of all is that it would probably sell.
SKIPPING ROCKS July 26, 2000
Situations arise when least expected,
Left to guess others thoughts.
They hide from truths, blanketing emotion.
Pushing aside those who care.
Wonder if they realize, if they take into account the rippling effects.
The pond is filling from scattered words.
Words said before thoughts ever reach.
She stands next to the pond throwing rocks.
Watching as they skip along, sinking swiftly to the bottom.
She stands alone, pushing away those who care, those who love.
THE BOOM July 24, 2000
In volcanic sediment,
Arising along the fumes and ash lies the pain.
It slowly builds up pressure until it erupts and blows.
I'm getting over this so called mockery.
Everyday this haze dissolves just a little more.
Soon I'll be, soon I'll be vindicated.
They say I'm a conquest.
They say I'm such a treasure.
Yet the one that should know doesn't.
I'm a dormant volcano, awaiting the boom.
For once I don't care.
I THINK July 24, 2000
I think you're running away,
You use to stay beside me.
I think you're scared,
You use to know better.
I think cause I don't know.
TIMES ARRIVAL July 23, 2000
Faces rush my eyes and I try to forget.
This only makes me think more about what once was had.
Nothing seems to bring contentment.
I can only wait and see what awaits.
Watching once again from aside a room as the merchants sell there weirs.
They taunt you for an easy sale, but I've already bought what I want.
I'll just rest here for a bit while I await it's arrival.
As the days pass the faces become more and more blurred.
With hopes that time will heal.
I still await it's arrival.
BARRICADED EMOTION July 23, 2000
Imaginary thoughts find me at your door.
I try with all my might to work up the courage to knock,
Standing there thinking about what I should say.
What needs to be said.
Not sure of anything anymore, where once it was already told.
There once was an idea which has since been shadowed over.
There once was happiness where now pain flows.
There once was answers where now resides questions.
I wish time wasn't a bitch, I wish I could just say what I feel.
I wish too much, I've always wished too much.
I can't open the door.
DAYDREAMS July 20, 2000
I catch myself daydreaming more than ever,
Fixed in an everlasting daze.
Thinking about what today brings, what tomorrow will be.
What does the future have in store for me?
I use to care about things like that.
I use to be scared of lives trials.
I've grown more in a week than years.
Newly found news brings realism.
I use to dream about what being a dad meant.
I use to play back what mistakes I would never make.
I catch myself daydreaming more than ever,
Waking at my desk to a picture.
A picture that melts all fears I once had.
UNKNOWN FACT July 18, 2000
In questions both now and of before,
Comes the most of all unknown facts.
Define love?
Is such an action possible?
To each, so it seems it can mean almost anything.
Individualism defines love.
What answers you seek can't be explained by the words of others..
For it's only you that can define the most mysterious action life has to offer.
Even then, after years of wonderment you're still left in aw.
WAITING FOR A CLUE July 16, 2000
I'm quite sure if at anytime, better yet this time.
Sounded news that creeps through the back of your ears-
until it's slowly absorbed.
Left fazed, dazed then amazed.
Not sure of anything, actions that until now seemed important.
Now important has a new meaning,
more and more with momentum until it blows your mind.
Then left alone, among those who look for answers.
Answers of which I don't poses.
Will I poses them? Who can tell?
I can't make such decisions in this state.
I can't think, I can't think.
Bashing around for a single clue as to what I'm suppose to do.
I wait for a clue.
Where is the damn clue?
What if anything can I do, to correct this....
LIVED DREAMS July 14, 2000
Maybe dreams are best left for night.
I've lived such a dream, Though for only
a short time.
I flash back every little scene,
Trying to figure out what exactly
happened.
What ever went wrong.
What if anything I could have changed.
I lie awake
at night thinking of that.
I so miss that dream,
The dream that is her. (To: Becky)
LOST July 12, 2000
Into and out of amazement,
Has become a switch.
Once you've lifted the iron gate that surrounds you,
You'll notice I do listen.
I do try to help, when
possible.
Maybe you're lost and don't wish to be found.
You may want me to give up,
I won't I've seen you, for your true self -
I refuse to run.
INCH TALL July 10, 2000
Sometimes I feel an inch tall,
The world to me is a constant battle.
I'm left with blisters from trying to climb up for a view of what I've missed.
When down on the ground, the view to the small becomes crystal clear.
Down here among the distressed and angered.
Here where the petty slither along.
I've seen you stand beside me,
I've felt your hands calmly stroke my back.
Lately it seems you've joined the high,standing above me.
It hurts whether you're aware.
I've tried to say,
I've tried to explain -
I go below, stare below.
The high brings me comfort at times,
It's not what I quench.
Staring blank at star washed walls as you speak, mind wandering to before.
Closing my eyes, remembering back to where this book began.
Slyly cracking a blind smile, crying within.
It's not what I quench, the high.
I've felt an inch tall.
I'm an inch tall.
THE LAST GASP July 7, 2000
Gasping for air, faintly beginning to view the crystalizing lights.
My body limp, arms numb.
Eyes falling back behind the blinds.
Breathing in what little oxygen exists.
Gathering enough steam to reach above and pull the drop cloth.
Sublimely screaming messages, only one can hear.
They're nowhere to be found.
ACCEPTANCE July 7, 2000
We trip and fall everyday,
Wondering at the end if any accomplishment will be
remembered when we've left.
Maybe had we thought about the words or actions beforehand,
There would be no need for cross examining.
Yet, alas we still pick apart others,
Stripping what self dignity they still poses.
And we wonder after the fact why they leave this world,
In search for acceptance.
PAST HAUNTS July 7, 2000
I feel your presence within.
You may be miles away,
Though inside there you are.
I close my eyes and can paint your face,
Your smile is etched in my eyes.
Though you may not even know,
I try to express myself in the ways.
This is something I'm working on.
From past haunts I have built walls around me.
Become defensive in ways I sometimes can't control.
With all, I hope you understand.
When the silence arises,
You're all I can think about. (To: Becky)
DAYS TO CHANGE July 7, 2000
I'm caught gazing beyond.
I stare above in hopes of return.
The clouds roll by without comfort.
Hours later in dark,
I still stand dumbfounded by no response.
The days roll like hours and you have yet to prove a single point.
Grown tired by the experience I've chosen to change beliefs,
And become myself.
CROWS July 4, 2000
I dreamt of blackness, for a crows flight.
I dreamt of forgiveness, if it exists.
Little things with meanings most don't care.
Aware?
In a dream filled state, I lie sweating from within.
Shaking in fear, I try to stay awake but fail.
There slowly fading within, the cold dark fog slowly creeps around.
Alas I'm bound -
The crows await yet again.
SECOND THOUGHTS July 4, 2000
Cascaded memories of before,
When times were just a little easier.
Second thoughts were never heard of,
And a dare was simply a question of when.
It makes me laugh, the stupidity.
Such stupidity that then seemed so funny.
When you stop to think before the actions of now,
It takes you back.
Memories, how even now years after make me smile.
And just for that,
I wouldn't change a single thing.
COULD...SHOULD...WOULD July 4, 2000
Searching for a single word to describe this feeling.
Trying to define an emotion and I'm left exhausted from the search.
Raking my brain for days of which seem months.
Still it eludes me.
Then it strikes me down, knowing all along it could have been.
It should have been easier.
Would have been, had I opened my eyes. (To: Becky)
NATURES CINEMATIC VIEWS July 4, 2000
End of week, yet still the path lay drenched from rain.
Foot prints mushed together in patterns of mud.
Reeds and weeds flattened from the wind.
Little sign of life appears, silence resides.
I stand on that rain drenched path, watching so patiently as time,
For a single second freezes -
And it's so scary.
SURPRISES July 4, 2000
They use to say you would understand in time.
Time has passed and I still ask the same questions as before.
While others have seemed to surpass every conceivable thing I've dreamt.
I still wait for a few mere surprises to pop my way.
Maybe I ask too much.
BEAST July 4, 2000
Midst fog and mist,
Below bellowing raging waters lies the beast.
Ever so quaintly awaiting passer by's.
Swallowing, indulging in it's own greedy shallow mind-ness.
Twice has been since such a beast has come.
Twice it came to past.
Twice reborn, it's become routine.
TRUE PHENOMENON May 31, 2000
Here I rest, with your voice softly whispering me to sleep.
Casually stroking my face as my eyes drift off.
Your touch calms my fears, it makes me forget all the pain.
Your skin keeps the cold from reaching my heart.
Here I rest, in your lap, while before dreams were all I had.
Here I am living the scenes from cascading stars as they swish by the night.
Once I had wished on such a phenomenon, had still been awaiting the outcome of such an action.
Here I rest, just minutes later awaking to your smile -
For once it wasn't a dream. (To: Becky)
PASSING WAYS May 10, 2000
Timeless exchanges of ever passing ways.
You've looked beyond and over my shoulder.
Scents flatter the room, cascading in mist.
Your touch drifts past my neck.
Your speech finds my ears.
Your lips find my cheek.
Frozen by forwarded, questionable passes I keep still.
Closing my eyes remembering the passing ways.
Opening finally to find you've gone.
WISHES COME TRUE May 10, 2000
Query's into forgiveness has left me refreshed -
More alive then times of before.
Shedding drastic overviews and misconceptions.
Producing memories that until now, were only wishes.
BLACK BOOKS May 10, 2000
Who if any can judge?
We put forth looks of disapproval, yet we don't understand.
What seems odd to some become routine for others.
Still we frown upon those, looking away as to not even notice.
They cry for attention, cry's that are flown short from ears.
You hold black books of your own, put in closets, locked behind doors.
Nevertheless you become judge and jury to no crime.
AWOKE
Sent out astray, with no less a path.
I've Walked in circles without realizing.
I point upward towards you, screaming aloud,
"Better off alone, strayed from your side."
I'm alive, god I'm alive.
Self worth is a question asked with hands over mouths.
I'm still loss for the answers they occupy my midnight dreams.
I dreamt I broke away from repetition walked out of this circle and breathed fress air again.
I awoke....
READY
I'm ready for the fun to roll.
Have it outpour towards me and rush through my body.
I'm ready for this curse to lift my presence, find someone else to torment.
I'm ready for life again, being dead among the living teaches me nothing.
I'm ready for the greater things, people say they happen, do they really?
I'm ready to smile.
I'm ready to laugh.
I'm ready to change.
Ready for change.
3 AM
Somewhere it's 3 am.
Somewhere, someone is blushing from love.
Somewhere, something is occupying there thoughts.
Someone, somewhere out there is singing loud.
Something, somewhere is making them laugh.
It's 3 am, here.
CHILDHOOD
We were kids, laughing, running around careless,
Oblivious to all that would come before us.
Wishing years would pass like days.
Hurrying to grow up too fast.
The years did pass as days it now seems.
Remembering back, trying to envision the memories.
These actions of childhood fascinate me.
We took it for granted, though at the time the meaning was unknown.
WAS IT ME?
I think in all what I wanted was to be with you.
Not by phone or written letters, but beside you.
Holding your hand while you speak of anything.
Knowing that you want to hold mine as well.
It sickens me to wonder what I did.
However painful it can be,
To not know hurts more.
(To: Angie)
TRIED
Do you even notice at all?
I hold a sign and yet you can't read the words.
I've tried to say, but am constantly changing my mind.
Though I hear of your falls, accepting your calls.
Why is it me you turn too when the pain overflows.
There must be a reason why.
I've tried - I've tried
I tell myself I've tried.
(To: Tara)
MYSTERY VOICE
You call and ask where I've been to which I reply "here".
I've gone no where, I'm still the same.
Changes occur, changes I never thought would come.
What ever happened to that person I knew?
I would like to call.
I wonder who's voice would reply.
That of all scares me the most.
(To: Angie)
MISSING
Soaring alone, above this place -
This place I called my own.
Sparingly I remember back to happiness,
Gallantly taking a pause to smile.
One simple gesture, with limited effort.
It seems to be coming less often to my stature.
Oh how I remember those days it wasn't so hard,
When I walked along proud, with my head up.
Oh how, I miss myself.
FILTHY
The smell when it rains -
Everything has been washed away, become new again.
The tiny drops hit your face and flow down your neck.
It's so calm, so quiet.
Standing in drenched shoes, soaked clothes.
Shivering - filthy within.
WHAT'S SAID, BUT NEVER HAPPENS
Mouths sewn shut, murmur.
Hands bound as to not rip out the stitch work.
Eyes blinded by the darkness within.
They say there help can release demons.
Spell bound a few words and everything will return.
Grasp my soul and reactivate my self worth.
Take these few yellow pills and return back to reality.
Reality is what put me on this deserted island.
Once you could see the land a few miles away.
What land is left is shrinking away everyday.
The sea now covers my legs, soon I'll drown.
And with my mouth sewn shut -
I can't yell for help.
LIVE ANOTHER DAY
If you stare pointing a finger,
Be aware things always linger.
All you've said yet left untold,
Words left dead the truth will unfold.
You can't run it won't work,
I'm done you represent the jerk.
Don't ever forget play it back in your mind,
Now regret the lose that was mine.
The games trapped in my head,
Still frames lay on my bed.
Red wine rests where you sat,
It's quite fine I can't help that.
You ran before I could say
"I know I can live another day."
I sit here wondering what went wrong,
It's not fair to be treated like this all along.
If you read this as I hope you do then start to cry,
Know I did too when you said good-bye.
(To: Angie)
BYE
He stood on soil, on mountain and in water,
Dreaming forgotten dreams that had once been dreamed.
With at his side that one he saw.
Taking in towards what now, her dreams to.
He had been behind a shield, clouded by ghosts.
Now realizing at last what it all meant.
Wondering if it was to late, maybe time failed him.
He had coward behind the technology of before.
It bound him, kept him away.
Finally breaking free, to see what awaited.
Scared as he was, scared as he be.
He walked onward over that mountain.
Writing down what he saw, describing it to all.
He saw a gift, he saw her.
She to was looking over the mountain.
Writing down what she saw, describing it to all.
She saw a gift, she saw him.
Now grown old, telling the tales of his life in rhymes.
He has finished this book, come down to the last lines.
With few strokes in blackened ink,
He says bye.....
The Lost Poet
(To: All my friends, online and off. Thanx for the memories.)
MASTERPIECE
Scrap the paint from the palette of old.
With blue to define her eyes.
Red lined, full lips.
Tones of pink and peach to sculp her face.
Taken away by such perfection,
On this flat canvas.
I gaze upon this finished work for hours.
This masterpiece, that consumes my thought,
With all my passion and everything it represents.
The masterpiece created.
TRY
With all I have, with it I try.
I've seen and saw her beneath the pain.
Struggling to break free,
Forcing to see what awaits.
I've laughed with her on such occasions.
The laughter that was has subsided.
With what awaits such sorrow?
I break away from realizations.
I'm lost for words, mere words to say.
I can't make out what the picture means.
Even with all I have, with it I still try.
(To: Angie)
WORN LETTER
I hold in my hand that last letter you wrote.
It now lay worn from the constant reading.
The words are smudged together by my fingers.
Dried tear drops splatter it's surface.
By now I'm certain I could read it with my eyes shut.
Follow word for word, stuck on that last word,
Good-bye.
STILL AWAKE
It's late, another sleepless night among my own.
This silence within is no comfort.
I toss and turn, endlessly while time seems so still.
Thinking out what moves I'll play,
On this oversized chess board.
If I, the pawn on this board walks left without consequence,
Who if any will attack my careless action.
Laying there as a sure thing as the pieces move by.
It seems I'm overlooked by the play.
Yet still awake, with my eyes tightly shut.
Afraid if I open them, I'll awaken myself.
COMBINED
Your cries of unanswered dreams, rest on my lap.
I'm left with decisions to make, of which I'm lost.
I could open these dreams, and take part in them.
I could walk away, resting them aside.
I could simply waste away trying to decide.
I think I'll open them up, and toss my own inside.
(To: Angie)
TWO LESS OF EVILS
Alas I stand, conquered by your charm.
You shallow in your costly victory,
By allowing your true self to emerge.
I've seen where you failed.
Not less hurt by, but awakened,
By the two less of evils
(To: Tara)
HOME
My body lay worn from the battles put forth.
The scars that will never heal.
The pain that will never go away.
I've grown tired of these journeys,
Grown weak from the thoughts.
I wonder if ever, I'll find my way home.
THE LETTER NEVER SENT......
Dearest,
You speak of me as us.
Left wondering if this game is simply that.
If comfort will ever become from words.
The talks becomes more in my dreams.
Wandering endlessly with open arms,
To which in hopes of your embracement.
I'm sure it's easy to see what I speak of.
I told you once to open your eyes,
Shed the curtains of doubt.
I wonder if you have?
Yet wonder if you will?
Signed...... The Lost Poet
I'M SPENT.....
Getting through to you is like pulling my own teeth, with a plastic spork.
With the comforting amnestic of your picture,
Starring at me.
Getting through to you is like,
Walking up a mountain, backwards, blindfolded.
With the comfort of knowing you won't be there,
To watch me fall.
Getting through to you is like,
Well I really don't know anymore, cause you're never around.
With the comfort? What comfort?
I'm spent.................
(To: Angie)
BREATH
Use to think I knew it all,
Had everything figured out.
I don't,
Better yet I think I'm just beginning to realize things.
A want is not a need and a need is everything.
You need to breath, but breath with your eyes closed.
Your eyes deceive your true feelings.
Things unfold when your thoughts are cleared.
Take this moment for yourself, forget about everything else.
Then you'll understand what that need is.
It was always there.
SO MISSED IT
She tripped into my life,
Casually grabbing my arm for support.
I noticed her smile, that froze my speech.
The only words that dispersed my lips were mumbled.
She laughed, I blushed and she walked off.
With me stuck to the pavement, though I wanted to follow.
I remember that laugh, and so missed it.
(To: Tara)
MYSELF
If we met, and I was myself.
Not behind a screen of typed out lyrical lines.
Myself, standing there.
I think you would see,
Why I waited so long.
(To: Shannon)
LITTLE KNOWING...
Stars they flicker and shine above me.
Starring into my eyes, looking into my all.
They show paths, dreams, foretold futures.
They're there even to the faint hearted.
Ones that don't believe in such hog wash.
I think they really do want to believe in the power of hope.
The times of ill hearts, times of frustrated foreshadows,
Have broken the words of fait away.
Little knowing, they write there own stories.
Little knowing, they end them as well.
(To: Rio)
DECEMBER'S COLD
That cold December chill that frosts my lungs.
I stand on top the hill, looking in a southern direction.
Thinking of her, in wonderment.
Is she sitting next to the window, or maybe outside.
Looking towards the north.
Thinking of me, in amazement.
I wonder if I walked towards where I think she is, if I'd even come close.
I'd follow my heart, like a map.
Walk up to her window and watch as she looks onward.
Still chilled from the December cold.
(To: Angie)
SINGLE ROSE...Part 1 (dedicated to Shannon)
You enter the gates to my garden.
Slowly walking down the meandering pathway.
Admiring the beauty that captivates your eyes.
The trees watch, as you sway towards the bench.
Sitting on the bench, the birds play in the water fountain.
They watch as you begin to sing softly, growing louder with every verse.
You begin to dance through the garden, skipping and hopping through the flowers.
You pick a single rose as you walk towards the exit,
Placing it upon the iron gates, to show me you were there.
SINGLE ROSE...Part 2
You casually walk away, humming the tune from before.
I approach from the distance, greeting fellow patrons as I pass.
Whistling a song that once was heard.
You smile as we pass, I wave and continue onward to my garden.
I turn to watch as you fade into the horizon.
Entering the gates, I notice the single rose, placed by your hand.
I hold it in my hand, and look back towards where you faded away.
I place that single rose back on the iron gates.
In hopes that when you return, it will show you I care.
GAVE UP ALL
I raise my glass, and toast your victory.
Making up a long winded speech, that dismisses your actions.
Everyone knows as well as us, they know about the plot.
I watch you as you scan the crowd, searching for supporters.
I watch you as you sweat, sitting there with shaky knees.
I wonder how it is, that you've made me take the fall.
How with conscious, you could sit there without telling the truth.
The others don't see through your plan, they hold me accountable.
I watch your face as I tell, I watch the look of amazement.
I watch as your actions say you never knew.
I took the fall, I gave up all.
(To: Jody)
THE GREEN
It sickens me how even now,
When I feel pressure, when the stress overloads my system.
Without even knowing, I grab for you.
A simple substance, I've relied on.
It takes the pain and emotion away.
For a little while, till I'm down again.
Finding myself grabbing the green once again.
PUREST OF SAINTS
You stand there judging me,
Like you're the purest of saints.
Though your closet door almost bursts under the pressure, of what is held inside.
You must find it easier to be-wheedle me.
Maybe you take comfort in exploiting my faults.
I never cast bad wind in your direction.
I never held you accountable for my decisions.
I never asked you for help.
Yet you punish me, and I stand there taking it.
(To: Tara)
WHERE WE WOULD BE...
I dreamt of walking with the dead.
In front of me, lie my body.
Next to it, my mother crying.
I tried to reach out for her, but couldn't.
They called for me, the walking souls of time.
I could hear them, taunting me to come join them.
I chose to stay, next to the vehicle that was my body.
The songs of praise arouse around me, as she appeared.
She wasn't of the damned, but of the mortals, my angel.
The light she dispersed showed me hope,
A hope that had faded away, been tucked behind my views.
She told me to return, things would unravel.
I would walk down that golden road that she walked upon.
At then end, she would present the reasons for continuing.
At the end, she said, is where we would be.
(To: Angie)
DEFENDING LOVE
I speak of you, as if you're here, behind me, backing up my insecurities.
They ask of you, and how this love affair could be.
They say I'm lost, leading myself onward to imaginary dreams.
They laugh, and I stare back, with a blank face.
They try to understand as I pour out my words of her.
They try to understand as I'm left in tears, trying to defend my actions.
They try to understand as I leave in anger, mumbling words of hatred.
I try to understand there so called ways of looking out for me.
Why can't they see my love for her? I'm not seeking childish attention.
Why can't they believe, my feelings are all so real?
I'm not telling childish fairy tales.
I speak of you, as if you're here, closing my eyes, to hear your answers.
They talk behind my back, of a deepen depression.
They talk, in there smoke filled rooms, of how I'm not the same.
They talk, in alcohol breath, of how I'm wasting my life.
They talk, about my dreams as if they've lived them.
I wonder if they understand me at all.
I wonder if there jealous, because I'm not there.
Why can't she be here? Walk with me hand and hand, to shut up the words.
Why can't I be there? Embracing her with the love of thousands.
I speak to you, as if you're here, defending our love.
(To: Angie)
