All poetry by "The Lost Poet" is protected by law from false representation, plagiarism and tampering. Use of these works without the written permission from the author is prohibited.

CITY SCENE December 12, 2000

I'm walking forward in a backward world, every action is in slow motion where as mine is twice as fast.
Snow seems to stand still in the air, then slowly it gets sucked up by the clouds.
Trees shrink to saplings, then disappear into the earth.
Cars travel backwards with the drivers looking forward, traffic lights go from red to yellow then green.
I've never felt so alone, never felt so helpless, felt so unloved as today.

LICK MY WOUNDS December 10, 2000

You love to hate me, scream and flail with anger.
Beaten by words left wounded by your tongue.
Lick my wounds and choke on the blood.
Look at me before you fly away, I'm still here. (why I have no clue)
What grows within you is of me, of us.
Think along in the night alone, tell me you don't want the same.
You love to hate me, lick my wounds and choke on my love.

FREAK MUCH December 10, 2000

Think about it and get back to me next year sometime.
Yeah our child has grown, I notice when I see you.
Tell me when to breath again, I'm turning blue, breath?
Someone free me from these strings, they bind my soul.
If I was free like before, I wouldn't look back to watch you cry.
If I was half a man, I wouldn't be brokenhearted.
If's are such a cliche .... this isn't helping....
This isn't helping to forget your scent, it's all around.
Even open windows can't air out this dungeon.

NO CLOSER November 30, 2000

Rested tears upon your pillow with the hope that they reach your face,
Maybe the wet fabric will show you that I do still remember.
Salt burns open wounds, when it's too painful to cry you know it meant something.
Rested tears upon your pillow with the hope it would absorb this nightmare,
I'm still no closer to you.

QUARTER November 26, 2000

Easily forgotten was told, easily traveled by never looking back in her direction.
Snow falls from the heavens to blanket the truth, kept frozen words on lovers tongues.
Entangled looks of desire fall short, mirrors break images and the shards lay scattered by there feet.
Walked upon and my feet bleed following behind you, the trails of blood glow red and I'm weak.
Tranced by wisdom of others, they whisper in the night giving hope to press on.
Hold my words, hear my thoughts then tell of yours.
Easily forgotten how being alone haunts the mind, so easily my broken heart fades.
A quarter use to buy a wish, now it's easily thrown away on wasted hope.

INTO YOUR ARMS November 21, 2000

I should of many things bestow feelings, stand above this cove and sing your name aloud.
Reached towards this cloud that carries your face and smile, closing the door behind.
Walk away from this past that calls me, have to run from it's clutches.
Into your arms collapsing, into your arms.

BEING November 14, 2000

Frequent my roots that lay surrounding your feet.
Replenished by hopes of rain to which will quench my thirst.
Hands reach to hold this tiny world and give you all that is portrayed in my eyes.
Within this swirling abys beyond the tinged doubts are found dreams.
Fait as it seems has written stories of fantasia, do we believe in such?
Such is love, no words nor actions just being.

PURPLE AND YELLOW November 14, 2000

I still think about butterflies fluttering around as you chase them.
You forced me to write and gave me a reason to.
I still sing on the phone as if you're on the other end singing with me.
Dreams crept our way and found a mutual meaning.
Where oh where did this begin, I've tried to comprehend.
Out there somewhere maybe you're thinking or writing and I'm calling with the wind.
Reach out and caress the warmth that surrounds you and there I'll be found.
I've walked around with this on my back and I'm broken.
Carpets once were rolled to show the way to what I thought was your heart but you strayed.
Purple and yellow butterflies fly in my dreams.
Purple and yellow is all I've seen.

NOSEY November 10, 2000

They ask what the problem is, as if I could define it all in one day.
Asked if I'm in love, I blushed and ordered another beer.
They ask and ask and I'm daydreaming of her, nodding my head to them pretending to care.

TODAY'S PAIN November 6, 2000

I lie ravaged with denial and regret.
Left without the words to return the mouths that watch me.
Look away with pale faces as I try to write it down on this earth that surround me.
Tried but failed and failure doesn't feed your appetite does it!
Hollowed and scraped then tossed aside hidden by the failed loves of yesterdays past.
Those faces arise with the sun and stay during the day hiding in the shadows.
I lie in the leaves of fallen dreams looking downward to hide my shame.
I've known I've always been to blame.
Take with grains of sand from atop the plain, arise and bid this morrows today as another pain.

FEAR OF METER November 4, 2000

They fear the poet and why? Because we see the beauty in all.
We survey everything conceivable in our minds.
Slyly we write to make peoples feelings emerge from within.
It's in these phrases that you read back in your minds that you finally see our point.
Pain drips from the words and flowers bloom from the romantic verse.
Disturbed to one corrupt to another then there's that one that knows exactly what was meant.
Devour these words, read between the lines, get lost in the meaning.

DEAL WITH IT November 4, 2000

Please tell me why I should forget everything and give into you?
Remember when I said it was the end, I could never be who you wanted.
I screamed it as you through that childish fit in the bar.
All those other times I overlooked all your bullshit and I wonder how I can even consider loving you again.
Maybe if I wasn't so depressed I could think more rationally.
You should have never jumped into another bed so soon when ours was still warm.
It's that over everything that I see when we talk.
Want me back? (I have to laugh)
Guess you shouldn't have strayed, now deal with it.

SELFISH PRICK November 4, 2000

Courageous as it seems I'm no more the hero only the villain.
I could have done deeds that grant awards and merit, I would rather not.
I could run into the building as it smolders away and carry out lifeless bodies, I won't.
Die trying and why? Give everything you can to control things and you'll lose.
It's the way things unfold and there isn't a damn thing you can do to alter the minds of those who carry the torch.
Let it pass and watch the band wagon as it collects the suckers along the way.

UNSAID November 2, 2000

Things left unsaid run amuck on my tongue.
Sticking there like peanut butter smeared in honey.
I can't say that I'm alone here, thinking about you hurts.
It kills me inside to even look in your direction.
I always look away it's easier to imagine these things, but I'm lost.
Lost to find the answer or switch to turn things back on.
Better left unsaid I'll say to myself and yet I don't think I can lie to myself anymore.

NO BETTER, ONLY WISER October 31, 2000

Do you, this woman who looks towards me in fast movements see what you've become.
Children play games and frolic through the grass chasing frogs and snakes only to return cleansed.
Roughly they throwing fits and cry with the minutes as the attention they crave is given.
We're no better only wiser it seems, for we do all the same yet it's considered acceptable.
And here I sit among you catching your eyes from the corner of mine wondering if what you see is any different from before.

ONCE BEFORE October 31, 2000

Nights with lights.
Frost burning your throat and your breath seems to freeze from your mouth.
Warmth seems a luxury.
Hearts held with cold hands crack under the pressure.
Bodies held once tightly only to be thrown into dumpsters.
Love is grand and the mystery remains.

THEY STILL ASK October 25, 2000

They still ask.
I walked out into the snow looking back to watch as it crumbled around me.
Stepped into the street and saw the fire blaze from within what was the shrine we built.
"What ever happened" get's whispered from ear to ear across the glossy bar top.
Stabbed in my back are the words, left there as a reminder.
We were for the time the item others looked upon.
Wished upon once and still I yell upon the night while snuggled in sheets that still bear your scent.
With everything I think I'm still waiting here for her to walk back into the fire, look upon me and grant me those dreams the pixies dance around.
I can't justify myself in this burnt picture, I can only smile and look inside you.
They still ask, I can't explain.

CAN'T FRONT October 21, 2000

I can't front and continue to live around your presence.
Where do I begin to tell of this? And will she even believe what I have to say?
Surely run before I can tell of her.
Maybe she'll be captivated by my own and not by this story.
Don't run and leave me here talking to a room of onlookers.
It's the past and I live for today, nothing could have been told and nothing could have been done.
The ways are finished and the story has ended now where are we now?
I can't front and tell you I haven't been a prick maybe asshole would be a better verb to use.
I can't front and say I'm not captivated by you, fell into this spell when it seemed I needed to be held.
It was fun and now I have to fall back to my priorities, and unfortunately they don't include you.
I should have been honest and told you where I had been, I should have just said it right from the start.
It's all in the past and we live for today, now before you cry I'll look the other way.

SHINE AGAIN October 21, 2000

Tightly woven inside this web that has surrounded my past sits this light that glows for a short time only to fade away with the night.
Seems as when I've cleaned out this closet the web sits undisturbed in the corner.
This light of which fades is now about to become lite again and I'm left to wonder in who's direction it will shine.

BOTTOM OF A BOTTLE October 21, 2000

As the door opened I saw you for the first time in a year.
You stumbled into the room and I remembered the times when it was me by your side in the same shape.
Somewhere down the road I stepped off and looked upon my life, this action made me realize that my life was going nowhere.
It could have been me, I was heading down that path and now I'm left to watch as you lead the life that I broke away from.

GREATNESS October 10, 2000

I have to sit and listen as you tell of your greatness, and in the back of my mind I'm wondering exactly how big your head will get before it explodes.
Wonder if you know at all how you sound as you rip apart at those who have made you look good in the eyes of those that sign your wealth.
Yeah look back as they walk away as your left to pick up where we left off.
Greatness can't be measured by one man.

BECAUSE OF IT October 9, 2000

I wanted to be the man that turned your head and beaded sweat from your brow.
Turns in ending that things didn't happen the way I wanted them to unfold, and now I wonder if at all you even see me.
Know all I ever tried to do was knock you off your footing as you stood there swaying your frame in my direction.
Cried when you left my side, cry even today.
Talk would seem better if I could reach inside and stand in front of this audience of one.
Raised by glass filled with sweet wine and toast your beauty amongst my insecurities.
Cowered away hidden in the corner built around by my own mind.
Reach inside and hold my hand as to say you understand.
Reach inside and pull me out before I carry on with the mindless torture that keeps me beneath it.
Wanted to be the man and I'm not and I"m dying because of it.

LET ME REST!! October 7, 2000

Can't sleep, and the night takes way too long to disappear.
At least during the day I can pretend everything is okay.
Laugh aloud at everything that is killing me inside.
It's when I try to sleep everything presents itself and I begin to wonder if and when my brain will begin to tire and finally let me rest.
Though thinking of that just makes me watch the clock as it slowly ticks on during yet another sleepless night.

WHAT EVER HAPPENED???? October 7, 2000

I'll sit on your couch and close my eyes then begin to repeat my beginnings.
You can hmmmm and haaaaaaa while you doodle on that leather pad.
Yeah I'll try to light a smoke while my hands tremble, choking on the hidden truth.
Lost child, lost memories hidden away behind this cluttered brain that rests on your pillow.
You'll say "how did you feel at that moment" and I'll reply "alone so fucking alone."
Pass me a bucket to catch the tears as they flow from this disillusioned face.
What's that our time is short, tell me again how this is suppose to help me while I resurface this pain, you sit and listen thinking about how you're going to hide your secretary from your wife.
I'd like to switch roles and have you sweat on this hot seat for a bit, yeah I'll collect all the money I've paid to have you tell me what I already knew.
I've always repressed my feelings and now you say that's why I can't hold a relationship.
What ever happened to common sense I ask, you look away avoiding the question.
Tell me doc what ever happened to me??????

SHUNT October 5, 2000

I so dare thee to close thy eyes and not see this dream we started.
Holier then thou, rested amongst the petals of rose.
Step with I as we surround ourselves with such.
Petals fall as rain amongst thy skin, look above.
Watch as I dance within, sing aloud with my heart.
I so dare thee to run from thy eyes as we look throughout this dream we started.
Cares follow dares among the pearl gates that bind your heart.
Dig within to find the simplest of reasons to cloud our days over.
Watch as I tell of stories from the fallen hearts that blanket our feet.
You shunt, you shunt close thy eyes on this dream we started.

ALL THE SAME October 5, 2000

Stepped across the fence to see what I could find.
Nothing here appears to be different at all, they said it would.
It's all the same, it's all the same.
Here I thought I would find everything I desired, everything I missed.
It's all the same, it's all the same.

LONGS October 5, 2000

A face, her face lies burnt into the lids of my eyes.
Seems as when I awake she's all I see, and when I close my eyes her silhouette appears like a star in the clear sky.
Surely I can, surely I must wake up from this sleep and walk towards her.
Saw a star, kept it in my heart.
My eyes still see her light, my heart still longs her warmth.

FROWN October 3, 2000

Infectious social diseases erupt from the tip of my pen.
Swirled words bound by traditional interpretation abided by some literal law.
Who wrote the book on how things must be, and who of them had the power to bestow such.
Decline what you will, that which you find a bit troubling to digest could feed the thousands that starve for such truths.
You stand above us dictating what is so righteous yet you've tip toed out of the darkness yourself.
Had your name followed the phrases you would stand tall, thus you know you couldn't possibly posses such abilities.
So frown on mine as you will.

POWER WITHIN October 3, 2000

Alone, I smell your presence,
Though when I look to see,
You're nowhere to be found.
My mind plays tricks to tease my senses.
I've cried a million rivers and kept them all.
They remind me that I'm not so dumb after all.
What ever happens when you can't see her face in your eyes?
Caught looking deeper within yourself to remember what the touch of heaven felt like.
White is all I see, movements around her like a glow and all I've ever wanted was to take a picture to show my love she's just so.
Maybe I posses this power within myself to carry on this duty I call happiness.
Could be soon my mind won't play such tricks and when I turn to look you'll be staring into my eyes.

PRECIOUS September 25, 2000

Beneath the sand amongst microbes and forgotten idles you will find me.
Trapped beneath the weight searching for pockets of air to breath and bring me back to realizations.
Precious they say, like gold treasures hoarded in safes.
Deeper I plunge flailing my limbs for any kind of support.
"Hold me" cries from the sands, "Release me from my own demise" shouts from within.
The weight is crushing my sides, I can speak no more.
I don't know what to do anymore, pull me out.
Damn shame they say, damn shame.
Beneath the sands I live, waiting for a single voice to give me reasons to dig myself out.

YEAH I'M THINKING.... AGAIN.... September 25, 2000

You can sit and think till your head begins to tingle from the stress.
Think about all the little imperfections that hang above your head like a mobile.
It would be nice to look above and see only the sky, pure blue sky and sigh at the carefree world.
Yeah it would be great to see the clouds drift in and rain, then watch as all the problems wash away being absorbed by the earth.
You can run as fast as you can and watch as your shadow follows just behind you as to remind you that you're still alive.
It mocks every little action like those damn annoying mimes hidden behind bushes laughing aloud at your stupidness.
I've always wondered how many people actually smirk as you walk by, with your back to there faces.
Yeah I'm thinking about all this shit and my head is spinning to the point of sickness, and I don't know why for the life of me it bothers me so.

KNEW ALL ALONG September 18, 2000

You say to me you can't believe such words could flow from my mind.
Your amazed by how they give you chills, how they make you think in new ways.
You say to me you would have never guessed I of any could create such beauty.
Alas I stand there trying to justify what it all means, and for a second I was proud.
Proud because I held something within myself you didn't know about.
For once I could be whom ever I wanted, say what ever I wanted.
I've seen that look before as you chalk your head towards me shimmering your eyes.
You were caught in my trap for a few hours and you read the pain I felt when I felt it.
I wonder how you feel now, knowing that I knew all along.

MILLION September 18, 2000

A million pairs of eyes glare as you stand before them, whispering to yourself selective hymns from your church going days.
A million pairs of vulgar fingers point at you as you hold your head in shame bringing back dreaded visions of childhood scoldings.
A million mouths shout as one voice bursting your eardrums leaving you to only guess the dreaded stories they read aloud.
A million feet bash your soul flattening your already faded spirit, turning your body into a pool of polluted water.
A single heartbeat pounds with such force as to crush the millions back to the darkened crevices of which they dwell.
A child is born.
A million pairs of eyes water.
A million pairs of fingers point.
A million mouths in aw.
A million feet left idle.
A single heartbeat is heard.
A child is born, your child is born.

THAT WAY September 9, 2000

It amazes me how a simple object as a pen can produce such truth that it turns on a switch.
A switch in the back of your mind that reveals actions, as to justify you own sane inquiries into yourself.
Easily you can make things seem a bit stranger than actuality, but toss a pen into the hand of a person and tell them to write there life story.
Then sit back and watch as the sweat begins to beat off there foreheads,
As they shake in there chair looking down on a single piece of paper searching deep within themselves for a few paragraphs of truth.
It's far easier to say what you want, but to actually think about it is another question in it's entirety.
Look down at what you've written and wonder if this is the your true self or some character you portray.
Yeah we would all like to live storybook lives, in a big house in the country feeding birds on our decks but it doesn't always work that way.

TELL ME... September 7, 2000

Never asked you to change, so do me a favor and stop chipping away at me.
Seems at the time you like me the way I was, makes me really wonder.
Wonder what it is you're trying to prove, think before you speak.
More often than anything what comes out is really hurtful and it's rather annoying.
Annoying how it seems I know nothing well I'll sit and learn so teach away.
Tell me what I say is dumb. (Though I've been told I'm not)
Tell me my singing is rude. (Though everyone else thinks it's cute)
Tell me what I'm suppose to be feeling. (Cause you seem to know me so well)
Think what you want to think, hear what you want to hear.
Does it really matter what I say, what I do?
Didn't seem to matter to you a few months ago.
Funny how they say there's always two sides to every book. (Cause I've seen it)
Finish what's on your plate before picking off mine.

MERELY ASK..... September 6, 2000

My soul lies around you patiently awaiting the invitation to sit adjacent to yours.
I check my mail everyday awaiting the written words from your hands.
Words that tell of stories fallen from your mouth onto the ink drenched canvas.
My soul visits your dreams to assure you of my convictions.
With Hopes that my actions will heal the veins of conscious thought keeping you safe.
I give to you myself in which in return I merely ask for the same.
My soul lies around you patiently awaiting the movement of yours.
Descend upon me and feed off the elixir that is my life in whole.
Notice my heart that has been slowly beating in silenced chambers awaiting release.
My soul lies around you, in body and of mind it awaits.
Merely ask of words only you can say to bind the book.
The book that had started and finished from the end, that now must start from page one.

MYSELF September 5, 2000

Blue tinged pulsating veins screaming for a vacation from the madness created by it's master.
Strands of muscle tissue stretched and torn to the point of swelling asking for mercy.
Pushed by thoughts of change, thoughts of times before when you asked where the pills were.
Look closely there still there, even with all the warnings I looked the other way gazing upon close perfection denying the consequences.
Told myself I would never fall back, never quit this quest of becoming what she wanted to see.
Even now in the aftermath she still seems to control my mind, hearing her in the background putting me down.
I won't kill myself to prove you wrong, I will however reach my goals and throw them in your face.
I'm better than you, and now you see that.
Little do you know it's your little voice in my ear that pushes me to become what I always wanted to be,
Myself.

BREATH NO MORE September 4, 2000

Been once hence twice has commith towards thee with arms flailed openly towards the sun.
With morrow approaching softly kissing the night fair well, with thee cloaked in pearly white.
Hidden amongst thy own shame in daylights shadows I slyly gaze upon thee, breathing no more.
Been once hence twice has commith when the lost axis of thy own world has recoiled as the snake.
With morrow bidding hello, the trees stretch upon thee feeding off thy beauty.
Hidden amongst thy own blames amongst the foliage I shyly speak upon thee, breathing no more.
Been once hence twice has commith since I've felt heavens warmth from thou's skin.
With morrow fading away in the distance, such also my lives dreams.
Hidden amongst thy own eyes in the here after I wishfully wish for reconciliation, breathing no more.
Been once hence twice has commith when memories twirled in the wind.
With morrow gone and blackness around I slump towards last dying words.
Hidden amongst thy essence of being I smile for last, breathing no more,
Breath no more.

HUNGRY FOR THAT NIGHT September 3, 2000

At that certain time you could have been hungry for a treat, I being there sugar coated and rip for the picking.
I could have been deceived or took the wrong perspective in what would come of this.
Relationships do have different meanings to all, or at least from what I've seen.
I would like to be able to turn back the clock to that night already knowing how you felt then, turn to you and smile.
Probably this action would take you off guard, possibly making you think of what my true intentions were.
Just before you could speak of how you felt I would whisper in your ear "I know hun, I've felt the same way for years."
This isn't some concocted fairy tale from some sixty year old grandmother of four.
This is our feelings in there rawest form, makes you wonder doesn't it.
Now try to tell me that inside of you there is no sign of my soul, try to tell me that things could have gone away so fast like a runaway elevator on the hundredth floor.
It soon has to crash love and wake you up from your sleep, force yourself to search bellow for my presence.
It's always been there hiding behind your heart scared from the darkness that has seemed to have crept in.
I'll admit I was hungry for that night, though the hunger has never subsided.
I await the buffet to open sitting there anticipating the door to open to your soul where I can indulge in all that is you.
Later breathing a sigh of relief having finally tasted what I've longed for, for so many years.

NEVER HAD TO GO THIS FAR September 3, 2000

Could be that we're too busy blaming each other to come to a solution.
It may seem easier to hate the other, seems to help for a while.
Thoughts that maybe crimson colored roses in a crystal mosaic vase might work as a white flag.
Yeah I'll come out of the foxhole carrying them dragging my heart behind me on a string.
I'll hand the package to you as a token to your victory, walking away trolling my heart along waiting for a bite to start this battle scene all over again.
Could be I'll be surprised when you grab my heart and post it as your prize, maybe then we'll lie back exhausted from this battle and realize,
It never had to go this far.
It never had to be this way had I known what you really wanted all along.

MUST BE HARD September 2, 2000

If loving you is such a crime then throw me to the demons cause I refuse to change.
If wanting to make you happy seems weird or disorienting in some way then I'm truly sorry.
Yes it must be hard knowing the way I feel.
Must be hard to have someone care for you so much,
I know it's hard on me.

SICK....SICK....SICK September 2, 2000

Rectified by, more or less I've rearranged my emotions so frequently I can't remember who I am.
Left to sleep or try to, all night rethinking what my heart has told my soul.
Carelessly I toss throughout the day half deadwith only one thing on my mind.
I have searched for any possible clues, shreds of hope to cling onto.
I've asked those who care what it is that I am, always questioning my intentions.
To all that have said I may be stained by something in my past, though it still has to represent itself.
They all say the same as if they had converged in a meeting beforehand.
"You're the kindest person I know" they say, as if this is suppose to make me feel so damn special.
Then they crack a smile as if these words that took them a whole two seconds to think up is suppose to repress my depression.
Well it doesn't, it's a mockery and I'm the one it's laughing at.
Someone has yet to say anything to make me sit up and yell "That's my problem!!!!!!"
Well with the exception of maybe one, she doesn't sugar coat things to make them look better.
I'm not shopping around to buy a service so don't sell me shit I don't need, I just want some god damn advice.
Yeah it's me there listening to your whimpering words as you tell of all your downfalls, yet where the hell are you when it's me that needs to unload.
Yeah it's me wandering around contemplating every damn move I've ever made while you're walking proud attached to your hand me down morals.
Venting anger? Sure as hell am, this kettle has been on the burner for months and has come to the point of complete meltdown.
I'm sick of guessing what the problem is, sick of wondering where the hell it's going to end, sick of judging myself as the fucked up one.
Most of all I'm sick of writing this god damn poem................. why you ask?
My point exactly.......

HER LOVE August 31, 2000

Awaken the beast from this chained imprisonment, release my newly found soul.
She lies in the dark alone while I await behind the mirror watching but not being able to hear her cries.
My knees are torn to the bone from anticipating her arrival, this pain never surfaces.
Hence the day had become, the chains broken by sure will from my mind.
Hands fed from natures purest thoughts touch mine, descended light from thousands of candles flicker in the room.
Mouths influenced by the driest of wines converge into a momentary gear locked machine, the pieces moving in perfect motion.
Bodies fit together like the puzzle pieces discarded in old boxes from eternities games of life.
Smells inflate the chamber as the ambience is taken to levels beyond comprehension.
Senses over clocked by emotions that intertwine like vines, interweaved souls converged as one entity.
Movements in slow motion as the shadows flow slower than reality on the walls, watching with my eyes of what happened moments before in stilled frames.
In a solitary confined place such as this with myself unfolded from the page I only see her face.
Watching as the hour glass slowly comes to the last grains of sand, awaiting the beast to once again reclaim her thoughts.
Left alas again viewing from behind closed doors what I've longed for all along, her love.

SEARCHING THE NIGHT August 31, 2000

Sparkles in the eyes of a perfect climatic moment of time, foresee thee in timeless changes grown from within dreams.
Rushed rivers of crystal blue arrived by the whitest of caps cascade over dreams flowing from my mind.
Caught myself in sleep, tossing and turning running towards the most beautiful of all beings.
Glimpse into thee, I've viewed from eyes that were of my own.
For once I saw what I had observed from a distance, fell in love with the picture that was of purity.
My hands lay tarnished from touching the light from within, burned from the passion.
Observed in dreams, conti plated living among the imaginary.
This dream could become a reality, if I could conclude on how to overcome the dilemmas.
Sparkles in the eyes of her, left in amazement of sure virtue.
Stars can promise wishes, I've wished on them all.
Scouring the night for hours in stillness as my eyes search for another hopeful promise to bring the dreams home.
(To: Becky)

CLAD WHITE VEILS August 31, 2000

When will I get the courage to wake up, look outside and be happy?
Walked the thin line, almost fell to my own demise.
I've blown out the mist, bellowed out the cries.
My life, at least to me has been nothing but crappy.
When will I get this girl I see in the deep night?
For her I've seen behind clad white veils.
When I walk up to speak to her she bails.
My life, at least to me has been shadowed from light.

WEEK-END DAD August 30, 2000

Growing up I remember telling myself more often then I can recall how I would never become a week-end dad.
I had seen myself being there always through every little detail, taking pictures in my mind for later memories.
Out in the backyard we would toss the ball around just like my dad did with me.
Things have gotten so far off the path, I have no clue where or how things got this way.
It's like I was on a trip and came back to a tragedy I couldn't control.
Yeah I feel helpless, like I'm not even a part of the greatest thing imaginative.
Sure it's easy to say you're going to be a dad, but how will things unfold when the bundle of joy arrives?
I'm left to wonder when this father intuition will reveal itself and stop the fear.

CROSSWALK August 29, 2000

I've thought maybe if I could just hold you without saying a word,
You would probably see inside me.
Inside you would notice that yes I believe I hold everything you've wanted,
Yes things have happened and maybe they've happened for a reason.
Once told we're born with two souls but when brought into the world they split,
Thus we travel the world in search of the other to become what once was one.
True love exists in this world I'm sure, some search forever only to find nothing.
Yet we stand on opposite sides of the road awaiting the lights to change and force us to cross paths.
We could just walk by looking down at the cracks in the road,
or we could stop and look into each others eyes and get lost.
We were lost once before, remember?
Saying nothing does us no good, opening up seems to be the only answer.
Now who will take the first step.
The lights have changed, will you meet me halfway?

BATTLE OF CONSCIOUS August 29, 2000

She is all I want, has been that way for years.
"Yes but think before you act, you've fallen to many times before."
I remember of times when she would speak words of forever.
"Where are you now, forever lasts longer than months she's playing."
God how she use to free my soul and make me feel amazing.
"Maybe once she did but how do you feel now??? Wake up!!!"
I love her.
"No yo don't think about this situation. She feels nothing for you."
I love her.
"You're hopeless, everything you've done and still you're alone."
Yes I truly do love her, with time she'll have to see that.
"I'm leaving, you'll never see the light."
Yes she's all I need.

TILL THEY DIE August 27, 2000

Flowers are beautiful till they die,
Once so full of life now just lying limp over the vase.
What once was a vibrant red has now turned black, green leaves are now brown.
A flower is a good example of how I feel, once so full of life now just lifeless vegetation.
Think maybe I've exhausted myself trying to make you see me in a new way.
There I am jumping up and down as you walk by, and walk by is what you've done.
I'm always coming up with ways to just be with you a while hoping that you'll just drop this "I don't need anyone attitude."
Flowers are so beautiful till they die, alike me.
I've exhausted myself trying, now it's time to just accept it.

NOT THE ENEMY August 25, 2000

It's impossible to talk to someone, when they've made prejudged conclusions of which make no possible sense.
I could maybe find it easier to say what I'm feeling if they would just for once listen to the complete sentence before dismissing my intentions.
I'm not the enemy.

CLOSING ARGUMENTS August 25, 2000

I guess in a way I shouldn't feel this is the last of the chances, but I can't seem to reprieve the idea.
Hard nosed stubborn actions have brought me to ask you once again, maybe if I make you stare into my eyes as I begin my closing arguments you'll see just how sincere I am.
In a courtroom with my own on trial, a trial for love and sure I may be guilty in fact I know I am.
Maybe if we start from the beginning when things were just all so damn pleasant our jury of peers will descend looks upon you.
"Yes your honor I'm in love with this woman and yes I feel as if I've been mistreated."
Sitting there with sweaty palms as I'm picked and probed at for some kind of doubtfulness.
None you'll find here so waste your time, I've only spoken of truths from the beginning and have vowed to till the end.
Yeah I've been hurt, sure I should just maybe walk away and count my loses.
I've tried to do such, I can't.
Yes that's all I have to say about this, I'm now leaving it in your hands.
I've hoped you were staring into my eyes as I've spoken about you, I've wished that you would say all is going to be okay.
Alas I sit in a box awaiting you're reactions, waiting for you to just do or say something.
Hiding from this is no answer, blaming me is unfair.
It's a damn shame things had to go this far when all that was needed was the truth.

SCARED AS DEFINED August 24, 2000

I once defined scared as a simple action of sort that you couldn't control.
In with that I've thrown in such feelings as a definition as well.
Love, believed once I was, it may of been just a scared reaction to something I couldn't regulate or define.
In all of lives greatest gifts things that have scared me the most is this simple action, also believed that maybe when we've come to grips with the reality that scared love lingers we can overcome such challenges.
Trust, believed once I could, it may of been just a scared reaction to something I couldn't believe or comprehend.
In every relationship, at some time it seems I've become blind to stupendous truths that others see but I just look the other way, also believed that someday I'll retreat from my troubled doubts and begin to rely on truths spoken by loved ones mouths.
Control, believed once I could have, it may of been just a scared reaction to something I couldn't regain or muster.
Seems as such when those find out that I can be manipulated by words they use these to overpower me using this newly found exploit to destroy my will, also believed that someday I'll stand up for myself and make points that will prove my self worth silencing the doubtful.
I've believed for times that I could go on for pages listing simple things we're all capable of, knowing this is by far the scariest of all.

THE MID-DAY DREAM August 23, 2000

I stepped out of what was my skeleton, looking back onto what was my being.
Quickly needing warmth I crept my way to you, looking into windows along the way.
Floating by I peered in to watch as everyone was sleeping, softly I whispered good night.
The cold was slowing me down, thinking I would never reach you I began to cry.
Tears began withering down my soul which seemed to freeze forming ice cycles.
With all I had I mustered enough strength to reach your door, from what I could see you were still awake reading a book once received by my hands.
As I approached I had noticed tears had formed from your eyes, to which made me feel empty inside.
You slowly got up from where you had been sitting and walked towards me.
I began to open my arms in hopes of embracement but you walked right through me.
Confused by such actions I turned to watch you leave, closing the door behind you.
Needing to rest I sat where you had just been, feeling the warmth from your body which began to melt the cold that had crept in just minutes before.
I noticed the book that you had been reading and picked it up.
As I brought it up to my eyes a picture fell out from the page you had left, the picture was of I.
A single piece of paper also fell out of the book of which I began to read.
"Once lost now found a poet has died" and this is why you had cried.

NEVER LEFT MY SIDE August 22, 2000

And you know me well, better than myself.
You've never judged me as others have seemed to.
Listened to all my self titled biographies, actually feeling what I am.
Stood by my side from the falls to the triumphs.
Now more than ever I need you, help me figure out what it is I'm doing wrong.
You've always said it's never me, I know wonder if indeed it is.
Maybe it's me Shannon, all this time, with all these women how can I not feel this way.
How far will I travel till I find what it is I'm looking for?
How can I show her what it is you've always seen in me?
Yeah I ask too much, you can't hold every answer.
I wish you did, cause I'm at a total lose.
I've sank before only to have you pick me back up.
You seem to have a way of finding the best in me, making me believe that is what I am.
Always made me laugh even though I was slowly dying inside.
It's that of everything that I hold dear, you've never walked away.
You've never left my side and that's why I hold you so dear.
(To: Shannon)

SPEAK MY MIND...IN TIME August 21, 2000

You may be trying to prove your point, well the point is well received.
Say what you wish, cause I know the truth.
People don't see what they don't want too, this could be why I've tried to please you so.
It's so frustrating this whole damn situation.
Yeah they all say things will happen, who wants to wait? Why wait anyway!
Play this played out soap cause damn you do a great job.
Everyone is held in there seats waiting for the next hourly episode.
Little do they know It's me who's getting killed off.
I'm sick of following the worm, only to get snagged in the mouth and tossed back.
I'm tired of the one phrase answers that seem to take hours to be received.
I'm pissed at how you throw all this in my face, then wondering why I don't speak.
I can't be treated this way anymore, I refuse to even try to understand reasons why.
Almost certain a time will arise when maybe you'll look back and see my back.
Yeah I'm certain you'll regret the way you just blew me off.
Think about how I treated you, I'm sure like no one before.
Yeah I'm the insensitive prick, the irresponsible one.
Pissed, yeah I'm pissed.
Now please tell me why I shouldn't be?
Don't worry hun you're point is well received.
I'll just walk through the door, shut it and walk away played out.

SPLATTERED August 21, 2000

In my mind stirs words without meanings, swirling around in timeless fashions.
They bind together in points becoming phrases.
I think about things all the time, mostly emotional restraints.
Things have no meaning to me until they are formed in lines.
In my lines hold the complete meaning of who I am, who I'll become.
With this I tell of my journeys, my life in hopes that others will understand.
My mind is my poetry, my poetry is me splattered in inked characters.

NOT MY HAND August 21, 2000

It's not my hand that picks you flowers.
I've paced till the floor has become dull, biting my nails.
Casually taking a sudden pause to take a glimpse at the clock, It hasn't moved.
Nothing has moved around me and I'm lost for a simple meaning as to why.
We're born on a scavenger hunt, left to search and conquer our own names.
Time is all I have, left my search for a breather.
I can pick out every damn thing I want, see it just ahead of me.
With every scratch off the list more seems to be added to the bottom.
I've had your name scratched out for some time, though it keeps appearing at the bottom.
Perhaps this is some kind of omen, a meaning of sorts.
My search has to begin and I'm left to wonder where exactly to restart.

BREATHLESS CANVAS'S August 20, 2000

Looking onto what I once studied in books, books did no justice.
The strokes of a pure genus, I could feel my heart almost jump.
There stood in front of me was history frozen in time, not a single thing smudged.
I almost had to take a step back and breath cause while gazing upon I gasped for air.
Words can't describe what I felt, it was surely amazing.
It was one of those things I'll treasure for ever.

DIAL TONE August 20, 2000

Noticed myself checking my phone, listening for a dial tone.
Maybe it will ring soon, soon, now? Okay surely now!
Just once let it ring with your voice on the other line.
I'd say "hello" you'd reply "hi I've missed you."
Yeah that's what I need to hear, god how I've dreamt it.
Hours have passed going on to days, these days are now months.
Maybe you've moved on? Okay surely that must be it.
It may be easier if I could just ask, yeah next time I'll ask but that time never comes.
I keep saying I have to do something, keep saying maybe we're both thinking the same thing.
Then again what if she isn't? I think I've thought through every possibility.
Rolled every line of dialog checking for any hope.
Yeah I'd say I've missed you too, maybe it will ring soon, just once let it ring.

FAKE GIGGLES August 20, 2000

Watching while my clothes fall to the ground.
I've become so involved in everything around me, worries killing the mind.
The pounds have melted away along with any strength I had.
I've found it hard to even lift my head, harder still to get out of bed.
Maybe this is the point they talk about, when you've become so depressed you just can't care.
The point when your mind takes over all actions and you can't seem to overpower it.
It's sad when you can't remember the last time you smiled, or even had a reason too.
Worse yet when you can't even laugh, having to stir up a fake giggle to seem normal.

UNANNOUNCED August 20, 2000

I thought just for a second that smile had returned.
Cracked for only moments but it seemed like forever.
I'm sure you've noticed me gazing upon you.
Felt my eyes follow you as you walk by, unannounced, I can't help myself.
I have to believe, at least make myself believe I'm still on your mind.

GOOD FROM BAD August 17, 2000

If anything good has come out of this whole situation it's our relationship.
Thinking back I've treated you pretty badly in the past, and for that I'm truly sorry.
Knowing nothing I could say would every fix that, but I'll try with everything I have.
I feel like I can almost tell you anything without judgement or repercussion.
Some things held deep under I have yet to explain, I'm no saint.
Know I'm here for you anytime you need a shoulder to cry on, for I've cried on your's.
I'll help to the best of my abilities and then some, you mean everything to me.
I just want you to know just how much I love you, cause I'm sure I've never said aloud.
Someday amongst a crowd someone will say "God she's beautiful" and I'll replay "yeah, that's my sister"
with a smile from ear to ear.
(To: Jenny)

SAME OLD CLICHES August 17, 2000

Remembrance of a time you told of things I only wished I could hear.
There I was taking it all in, wondering just when you would laugh.
I waited for the laughter to fill the room and it didn't.
Maybe that's when my guard fell short and my heart took over.
Yeah I'll tell myself that, it seems to help to blame it on something.
They always say you fall blind or short to truths.
They're always right, and that pisses me off to no extent.
I say I was caught, say I was mystified.
Said it would never happen again, we're suppose to learn from past experiences.
Some just fall for the same cliches, asking these same dumbass questions later.
When was it I became this person everyone else talks about, and you say "how dumb are they?"
When did I become this sensitive crybaby? I use to laugh at people like that.
Sure it's funny to laugh until it happens to you, then you take on this whole new identity.
Waited for the laughter, was to damn stupid to notice.
Blame it on your heart, blame it on something.

TWISTER OF MIRACLE August 17, 2000

Once in a while, a miracle happens.
Falling what seems from the heavens into your lap.
It gobbles you whole, making you forget everything.
Swirling you into a twister, spinning you around and around.
Soon after the winds tend to subside, falling swiftly downward.
Just as it seemed to begin it ends, landing cut, bruised and miles from home.
Left to begin the walk back home, confused, so damn confused.
Miracles as it's been said are blessings, blessings for whom?
Every situation has it's pro's and con's, think about it.
Sure it may seem the dream, maybe it's what you wanted.
At sometime the fun has to end, it doesn't last forever.
So when spinning in the twister called love, ask yourself at what point will I fall.
At what point do I make the pilgrimage home.
Close your eyes and remember the miracle, then ask if it was such.

UNDERGROUND August 16, 2000

We are the underground, sitting back with our minds in constant thought.
Wondering where to implement the hours of constant trial and error.
Watching for routers, preying on unsuspected servers.
Reading millions of lines of source code for an opening, living for exploits.
We don't pay for anything, sharing is a constant.
Bound together like clans we exchange information like the morning paper.
Hackers, crackers, phreaks all riding this techno wave.
Close your back doors we'll make new ones.
Millions strong, can't shut us all down.
Makes the matrix seem like a walk in the park.
Brings reality into perspective doesn't it?
Underground, we are the underground.
(To: The IGS Crew)

FIRST STEPS August 15, 2000

Wondering if we're just walking in circles, searching each others karma for an entrance.
I've felt your soul around mine, trying to reach within and pull me up.
Think you should smack my head, tell me it's just been a dream.
I'll wake up to your face asking if I'm alright.
Everything is just how it was, the past few months were all a fictitious mind altering nightmare.
First steps are hard when the path is lined with glass,
trying to tiptoe through the jagged edges to get to you.
I've watched as you stand at the end with hands on hips wondering just how long I'll be.
First steps are hard when you fall halfway and can't seem to get up.
Watching as you turn around looking the other way in boredom.
It's easy to define others, but when it comes to yourself you're more critical.
I'm worth the wait I believe, I'll find the ways to get up and run through anything to get to the end.
I'm worth the wait they say, I'll surprise you in the end.
First steps are easy when the one you love is walking beside you.
(To: Becky)

FORGED PROMISE August 13, 2000

Now a face appears with such hatred.
I've not hated before in such ways.
Ways I cannot even explain for the fear it may show others a new side.
I stare in to and through you and see.
I feed off your stupidity.
For vowed once before in stone of heart.
If placed hurt upon those held dear,
I promise I'll expose my alter shell and crush you.
Not of thrown threats from angered mouth, but of golden promises forged in bronze.

NEVER ENDING STORY August 9, 2000

It's uncertainty that scares you.
I know you better than you're aware of.
I've seen the script to which you're reading from before.
Sat through and watched as it went by scene by scene.
I watch as the lines flow from your lips, feeling as though there meant for me.
This whole play could unfold to be a story of us.
Shakespear always made me feel that way.
I watch as the final scene comes to a close,
Waiting to see just where this story begins.
(To: Becky)

PLASTIC DREAMS August 8, 2000

Plastic dreams in multicolored hues have melted together.
Contorted images rest where once crystal clear visions had presented themselves.
They use to stand alone with actual meanings.
They use to believe in such mythological stories as true love.
Songs use to play with lyrics to consume there minds.
Lights use to shine to define the edges and guide paths to which feet had not rested on.
They use to walk down lit up streets fearless, oblivious to all that linger.
They use to run hand and hand in the wind, courageously overlooking the storm.
Plastic people in plastic houses following plastic dreams,
To which even destiny controls there actions.

THERE WAS A TIME August 8, 2000

There was a time when your voice seemed to descend from the heavens.
Once there was a time when my life meant nothing only yours.
I had once believed I would have done anything to please you, maybe I did, maybe I haven't.
My eyes have now become wide open peering into this great unknown.
I've thought about futures, I've seen before lived.
I'm alright, thought I would have died, maybe I did.
I'm alright, I've died before only to come back stronger than ever.
There was a time when you were all I wanted, all I desired.
There was a time.
(To: Becky)

GO ON August 5, 2000

I've tried to do what I believe is best.
Extinguished then exhausted every possible idea concocted.
What is ever good enough? She must know.
Exhausted, I can't feel anymore.
They must know I've tried, she must know.
Left sickened, searching for a single shred of decency to which I cannot see any.
Left angered, searching for a single reason to even continue what ever this is.
Exhausted, I can't think anymore.
Tightropes look easy until your on them.
I'm trying to catch what ever balance exists, falling alas.
I've tried, they must know I've tried.
I've tried to do what I believe is best.
I can't love what doesn't love me back.
Know I've tried, spent sleepless nights contemplating how it would become a conclusion,
All I can come up with is I've tried, now I go on.
Chalk it up, no better yet skip over this whole false scenario.
Seems everyone else has.