All
poetry by "The Lost Poet" is protected by law from false representation, plagiarism and
tampering. Use of these works without the written permission from the author is
prohibited.
LOVES VINE March 30, 2001
I saw in that a love,
Resolve within of me.
Could you become such?
Be this person who dreamt of stars.
Look within my heart,
Past the blackened walls.
Cleanse my soul,
Reach forth and pull me up.
Can I this man who taunts your feelings ;
Become Just,
Be this person who paints a smile upon your face.
I saw in that,
In us a love.
Between all the pain and tears we grew.
We've grown to become what they said....
Love entangled vines,
Crested in stars.
CHOKING ON REALITY March 28, 2001
There's this sick feeling you get in your throat.
It sits there and waits for bad situations or news.
Slowly it grows,
Slowly it inhibits air from entering.
Choking on downfalls and superficial bullshit.
Gasping for some sort of realism in a query.
I saw it,
This realism and it was worse than the thoughts of maybe.
The actions justified my own midnight concocted synopsis.
IT STILL LIVES March 27, 2001
Please look away,
I look, alone.
Stripped, wet and dingy.
Open your arms, don't flee.
I saw a play once that made me cry.
A woman lied, the man died.
Ashamed you were, blamed I am.
Invisibility comes at a price.
Look through me,
I'm not who you saw.
A LOVE March 27, 2001
I'm hungry and tired,
I'm thinking about you.
A song cuts my heart,
Lie bleeding to death in a love.
I'm singing, the window is closed.
All alone dying in a love.
Tears of joy?
Tears of longing?
Tears of fear?
I'm singing, the door is closed.
I've gone in a love.
"I will love you, love you."
I, I, I, I ; March 26, 2001
Selfish words surrounded by "I".
I did this, it happened to me.
It's my world to hold, so go away!
These trees are mine, that rock is too.
I write but who relates?
Is it all a selfish act?
It's my pain, those are my tears give them back!
I earned the right to yell.
I survived the crash to tell about it.
I, I, I, I ;
I is me!
I am this book you read,
But never finish.
IT WAS THEN March 25, 2001
The world paused,
You smiled and it stopped time.
Waters still, waves calm.
We breath clean again,
Lost all the hatred.
I lived for a moment,
When you smiled.
WORD FOR WORD March 25, 2001
Tell me again,
Seems it hasn't sunk in.
I'm what?
Sinking into your words,
I've heard so much ;
I start to believe it.
So tell me again what I am,
So I can remember word for word.
I'm nothing,
You're blind open your eyes.
BURNT, BUSTED BASTARD'S March 25, 2001
I wish I could say I'm standing in this guided light,
But I'm surrounded by black light ;
Wearing a flees sweater.
Sticks out like a black pillow on white sheets.
I'm the smallest giant in this playhouse,
Can I have some chips?
Please!
The tube is busted, never got Fox anyways.
These floors are dirty, except for the burn marks from pacing.
I'm a bird with a broken wing,
Free prey to all the moral bastard's.
The light switch is busted,
Maybe the bulb is burnt.
THE DESERT'S HEART (poetry generator) March 24, 2001
The moon's agony!
Listen!
The desert bathes in well-deserved water.
Forget it!
The night Angie!
A red rose dances to a river's tears.
Velvet daises
Eternity shines like my love's distant.
STUDIOUS ANGIE (poetry generator) March 24, 2001
The night fiddles with steaming ecstasy,
But the sunset lingers in luscious water.
Eternity ponders refrigerated heart.
Dang!
The morning dances to loved agony.
Ah, but Heaven bathes in fermented knowledge!
My love blows bubbles in the sorrow of the wind's laughter.
Yea, the sorrow of the wind's laughter!
WONDERFUL TONIGHT March 24, 2001
This song brings comfort and when my head is at rest I see.
I see my life come together like spilt mercury
Molding to each other like a solid mass of hope.
I see her face emerge from the shadows and smile.
Skipping around with a basket of flowers, daisies are in season.
The clouds sky left for lunch, the sun's on a tanning session.
Water drips from nervous hands, my minds a blur.
"Oh my darling you are wonderful tonight."
Daydreams open doors so they say.
GARBAGE March 24, 2001
My pen skips and ink blotches blend together,
This mess flows into the words making them distorted.
Wine filled eyes understand,
Inspired hearts bleed it.
Beauties mistakes merge together.
As with all others it finds it way to the landfill.
CHILDISH March 23, 2001
Accuse the abused,
Look at his sparkling eyes while you scream,
See him starting to cry.
It's innocence tainted with heated words.
He knows all too well what's going on.
Who pays the price?
LIFE'S REFLECTION March 23, 2001
I use to think I was indestructible like some 16 year old,
Spoiled to the bone with hundred dollar t-shirts covered in roach burns.
It was me walking down the street with my hands in my pocket.
Traffic whizzing by my arms as they sway,
Hat pulled down so far you only see in one dimension.
It was me,
That spoiled to the bone snot who was so indestructible,
You realize quickly just how stupid you are starring into life's mirror.
SLEEPING March 23, 2001
Sleeping beauty resides peacefully in clad white.
Like doves flight I can't help but watch.
I stand and watch the breaths exit her body,
She's beautiful and nothing could express this moment,
That's been my dream.
Her hands are in perfect position for a masters impression.
Lips and eyes twitch in unison among the dreams she entails.
I kneel and brush the hair from her face,
She's perfection and nothing could change this moment,
That's been my wish.
I've grown tired and slump for slumber,
My hand find hers and comfort sends me away.
I awake to find her starring at me,
She's amazement in a word and nothing could ruin this moment,
That's been my life.
WHAT THE FUCK March 22, 2001
I water my soul with hopes it will grow,
It's drowning in my own self consciousness.
I've become what they said, a worried run-a-bout dad wanna be.
A running chicken with no feet, stumbling over my nubs.
I'll take a break here and watch it all fall around me.
Take it all, you have already I've nothing left but my skin.
It's cold,
This is growing old,
And your face makes me puke.
SAD March 20, 2001
It's sad when you catch yourself crying yourself to sleep.
It's no comfort to realize the tears are alone.
A heart falls to empty floors and the elevator is vacant.
It's sleepless nights in a big bed,
Freezing from the cold.
Remember when you use to hog the sheets and she would elbow your side.
Remember when you woke up,
You actually cared you were.
It's sad.
EVERYDAY March 20, 2001
Rippled water floats my mind, white caps wash the wish away.
If I, this man who is here holding you in nights sleep.
If I, this person who makes you smile to forget the pain.
If I, this simple entity that evolved to become, If I-
Walk or run with my dreams and trip,
Will they disappear into the ground,
Like my blood into the earth.
I've always questioned us, forced my eyes to see why.
I still love,
I still wish ;
Everyday.
JUMP March 17, 2001
It's that mountain that you've climbed since you could walk,
Halfway there you looked back to see your childhood fall away.
It's getting harder to breath, it's cold and damp.
Can't see clearly, my eyes are slowly closing.
It's been a years end and nothing has changed.
When I get to the top of this mountain I'll yell to her.
When I get to the end I'll jump off and cry;
Till I hit the end and begin over again.
NIGHT AND DAY March 17, 2001
I guess I shouldn't have said those things,
Sometimes I don't think.
I've kept it all bottled up for so long and the dam couldn't hold it back any longer.
Maybe you needed to hear it, things could change.
I thought I loved you, it was the thought that steered me onward.
We are oil and water, night and day.
Our child is a blessing, as all are such.
We can maneuver through the cracks in the street and walk together.
MINISTRY DAYS March 16, 2001
It wasn't always dark, wet and cold.
I use to smile and laugh for no reason.
Walk with my head above my shoulders, looking forward.
The train stopped somewhere and I jumped off, hit my head.
Dizzy, oblivious to feeling, that use to scare me.
Vacant dreams left my fingertips and tried to find a rainbow.
She entered, left, another came only to leave.
Leaves the mind to wonder how badly my soul tastes.
Yeah they asked me questions about the pills and water colored statues that bellowed smoke.
Fell on my hands and knees in a street and pounded my fist till it bleed.
The Ministry days, art colored jean jackets and zig zag t-shirts.
Seventeen turning thirty in a second, missed a year or two.
Walked in the rain drunk, sidewalks aren't beds.
It scares the truth into you when you wake up with people walking over you.
TOMORROW, IT'LL BE OKAY March 13, 2001
It'll all be better tomorrow,
Keep telling yourself that.
It's like a lottery ticket burning in your pocket,
You're a potential winner till you check it.
It'll all be okay tomorrow,
Then it's morrow and nothing has changed,
But you keep saying it has to get better.
Wake up!
Nothing is going to change,
Look at yesterday.
HI MY NAME IS.... March 13, 2001
It's my world to hold, gently thrown away.
Apple core, who's your friend?
Depression says "Hi", anxiety will join you soon.
I miss throwing up till my eyes bulge out of my head.
Oh the shakes, how I've missed you so.
You're here everyday, like a friend.
Actions no matter how simple become so difficult to construct mentally.
It's a joy and I wonder how long till I give up this time.
Who's your friend?
Friend?
SHHH March 12, 2001
Suicidal tendencies,
Words of hush.
Freakish pills with purple casings,
Ropes and tools from dark cornered sheds.
Justified crimes and wonders why.
Everyday minds work on the thoughts,
Some act on those tendencies.
Hush!!!
FADE IN March 9, 2001
Far away, it's not to far away.
My soul fell out of the sky, landed in water.
Drown in swelling pain decree anger filled words.
"I won't fade, I won't."
Seasons rush has pushed me aside.
Winds ride blew my will, crushed my house of promise.
"I won't die until I've tried."
Cloaked faces taunt my mind, fake visions blind.
I use to know you're name, forgotten for new.
"I won't remain without you I've gain."
Fade in happiness.
WHAT HOPE MEANS, TO THOSE WHO DON'T March 8, 2001
Lies told to yourself,
You can make your mind believe it's all true.
You'll grow, change, be that person they all call.
Know better, become changed to realism.
This blonde you held for a short time.
Who was she? Where is she now?
A few fabricated lines of text and you're okay.
A few fabricated phrases from others and you see promise.
Lies float among every expression they boast.
You'll grow, you'll laugh, you'll die in the truth.
Hope means shit when she won't accept it.
Your's won't make a single difference.
It's an unprotected rose in the frost,
Blackened by the cold of her heart.
MY ARMS March 8, 2001
My arms won't reach around myself anymore.
The comfort that warm tea brought now feels cold.
Looks blind sided with sharp words fill the air.
My arms fall short from you.
Run in my head towards my love, remember the candle light.
Flickers of shadows cast on lovers walls.
Art formed in passion filled lips.
It was,
It left,
Till died that light.
My arms look for your body,
It's too far to call home.
BEYOND March 8, 2001
I'm asking to look beyond what others intrepid,
Look how long I've followed behind.
It's time, time to decide what is to be.
They've said I've become obsessed, could that be true?
I want only what I saw that night, my eyes still see that vision.
You use to call me, you use to want me, it use to be real.
I've gone before to the store and looked,
I never found you.
It's time, time to decide what I am to you.
Look how long we've waited, has it changed anything?
Change back to who I knew, who I loved.
I'm asking you to look beyond my faults and see me.
THE REASON March 6, 2001
Warmth surrounded by a lil love.
Words speak not from you, but your blue eyes say it all.
I lose all concept of everything but love when you are in my arms.
I see you, your brother and your mother and I smile.
Nobody could have told me before of this, I would have laughed.
I'm no dad, I'm just a joker, a smoker, a midnight toker,
I lived my life on the run.
It all comes together now and I'm alive for a reason.
You're that reason son.
LOVE UNSAID March 5, 2001
Memoirs of story book beginnings.
First kiss's, eyes shut so tight your brain hurts.
Young love is so innocent, pure to touch.
Fall into and out off so many times it becomes a game.
Bet on the long shots, certain losses hurt, love's a game.
Innocence dies and loneliness resides as a reminder.
It's no longer pain free, no longer a rush.
The bite that itches the heart.
The bite that screams your dreams.
Fade away, run away, drown in tear filled eyes.
The bite leaves, the innocence dies.
She use to be the reasons, the reason to breath.
Use to be the smile, cracked laugh behind warmth.
She use to heal pain, caused by my own mind.
Use to be the reasons, the reason to breath.
Memoirs of a love, a mans love unsaid.
FEAR OF SILENCE February 28, 2001
Lonely nights seem like for ever.
Lonely thoughts in a silent room.
Too much time to reflect on mistakes.
Too many tears fall through the cracks.
I'm catering to my fear.
I'm disappearing into the silence.
I'm too lonely.
I'm too lonely to care.
SCENTS OF PAST February 28, 2001
Scents of past blind my thoughts.
As from somewhere she just appears like night.
Stars and darkness fill my time, upwards staring subconsciously.
It's out there, among all this that is resides this scripture.
The story of me, story of all that was me.
Carried by the stars, protected by nights cold.
If I lie and think hard enough will I arise to hold them?
Will I stand beyond this hatred and become a man?
Thought I was, thoughts mean shit.
Yesterday I was modest, today a child.
This time through maybe the scents of past will remind me of such.
LOTTERY February 28, 2001
It's okay to feel worthless, look at the alternative.
Walk around happy!!!
What is that???
Did I sleep through a lesson at school, missed the test?
You're rushed through everything, just another number.
Find something then lose it,
Spend the rest of your time trying to win it back.
It's a lottery, life the all mighty game of chance.
Some win, most lose and we somehow keep faith.
It's okay to dream, okay to wish,
Question is when do the odds turn towards us.
I missed something and I guess I'll lie clueless as to what it is.
LESS A SECOND February 26, 2001
I won't live a minute less a second without you.
Death is not touching your soul, I die every time you say good-bye.
I have to say your name to keep my heart afloat.
I'm tired of saying good bye,
Tired of dying a thousand days.
I can't live another minute less a second without you.
COME MY WAY February 26, 2001
You wish for better days, longevity among hearts.
I wish for better feelings and a new found reasoning.
Lets come back to reality, what will this accomplish?
It hasn't worked, it never worked, never gave it a chance.
I dreamed of this storms receding, sunny days awaken my eyes.
I'll step out of my fear and walk with the mother of all.
Look back and realize it was a trip to test my will.
It hasn't worked, it never worked, never gave it a chance.
Fell and scraped my head on the truth,
Like a blunt instrument of awakening it froze my tongue.
Chances before always crushed my lungs, I could never breath alone.
It hasn't worked, it never worked, never gave it a chance.
Let those read my lines, tell me how to walk.
Puppet strings left marks in my skin, deep wounds always scar.
I ran away from love so often it's a habit to beat myself up.
It hasn't worked, it never worked, never gave it a chance.
Drank bottles of forgotten memories, they came back too soon.
Smoked Indian dreams until my body lay cold in sweat.
Answers float above my head, drugs cloud my judgement.
It hasn't worked, it never worked, never gave it a chance.
Returned was her, and a smile I gave.
I can't skip rocks across an ocean, I can't yell my name.
Distance breeds my nightmares and evaporates my rain.
It hasn't worked, it never worked, never gave it a chance.
Pictures dawn my failures, hundreds took a day.
I've looked back so often, asked why till my voice died.
It's always been this way.
It hasn't worked today,
It never worked yesterday,
Never gave it a chance to come my way.
AS CREATED February 25, 2001
It's a painful struggle everyday,
The life ride that ties your shoes together.
Those little round mind altering sweet tarts spin my head.
I'm blind without my thoughts, naked and cold.
It's ecstacy filled dreams of alter ego mirrors.
Chased a firefly once but never caught it.
I fell in shame and cried on the grass.
The sensation elapsed and down I fell.
Like always I have to return to my self created hell.
CANCELATIONS February 24, 2001
Resist the looks from over her shoulder.
She looks to see if her eyes still rest in your heart.
Look away before it's too late to turn back.
Run from the unapproachable.
Rest here among us where you feel safe.
The untamed hearts of the kindred spirits call you.
I hold my own hand, I dry my own tears, these tears that you have caused.
Say I don't care, I don't belong among you.
I can see where this was heading, the train never left the station.
Cancelations have left me with an unfinished book, I can't read such.
ACTING RATIONAL February 24, 2001
Your eyes, looking my way.
Sorry I have to ask what they see?
Responses, I didn't think so.
That look?
You know the one you perfected in hell.
The one that burns, that melts away souls.
I keep seeing your gazing eyes through my back.
I'm scared to turn around, pathetic?
Yeah I thought so too.
It's bad when we don't know what we want.
Bad when we wait too long to find out.
Worse yet lying the truth,
Cause we're too stubborn to act rational.
COLOR BLUE February 23, 2001
I like the color blue,
Think true, me and you.
Lost walks asleep in my bed, your hands use to keep me warm.
Thinking aloud with my eyes doing the talking, hello?
I know you are listening to me, turn away and roll your eyes.
Lovers twine like rope and become stronger.
Our ends are frayed, should have stayed on the porch.
I had to get up and walk over and now look where I am.
Think again, me and you,
I like the color blue.
(Thanks to Sarah, who helped me with the main line and for always knowing exactly what to say when it's needed to be said)
"WHO I AM, BY ME" February 21, 2001
When you travel by yourself look back and smile.
Years, the years of "Who I am, by me", vanished.
Remember when you fell and forgot to get back up,
How you saw the light but couldn't turn the switch?
You're your own again, new days from old.
Today you awoke, today you breath,
Today you died, tomorrow you live.
PACKED EMOTIONS February 20, 2001
Packed away a few years,
In a box.
Amazing what we keep in dusty corners.
Memories smile, memories cry.
Forgotten idols of pirate planked relationships.
Idols of pasts kisses, good-bye was easier at night.
Boxes and boxes of pain tucked away from eyes glare.
We forget this pain, these smiles, those tears.
Force ourselves to peel back the tape to unclose a few years,
Packed away.
FREEDOM IS SUCH February 19, 2001
Freedom of such is your voice,
With expressions of lost loves from childhood play.
Love in all is baskets of flowers picked by lovers palm.
To each who treads on heart of loved, aware of passing's,
Those who's trip stopped before the line had told so.
Determined to follow the beaten path left amuck by the false.
Freedom is such,
Awaiting your journey to end within our love.
ALL GONE February 14, 2001
Invisible expectations that were surrounded by devilish temptations.
Invisible lifestyles that are abnormal in every moralists eye.
It's all gone, dried paint chips swept under a carpet in my room.
Pictures turned down covered in glass shards.
Holes in walls from pointed words yelled in your direction.
Fades in shades of grey,
I'm gone from there now,
They're all gone.
IN LAST I WOULD LIKE TO THANK February 11, 2001
Oh how you use to be that girl.
The bestowed honor in an award speech,
"In last I would like to thank my love."
My hand cupped your heart, perfect fit.
Things grow, people move, love dies.
Hearts cry, souls run, life strayed.
I try to remember,
I try to account the loss.
It's hard to pick up and start over,
Hard when you don't know where you are.
UNFAMILIAR PILLOW February 11, 2001
Far gone, stupendous in an alcohol filled dream.
Two by slow, light patterned swishes.
Bodily function use to be accountable, now a guess.
Less of me, less or all it seems to be more.
It's all gone, far gone and the clouds of night appear.
Rested spinning head on an unfamiliar pillow,
Of some girls bed.
OF MINE February 10, 2001
It's the sea of mine,
Whirling, swallowing in it's own.
My mind reminds me of such, accompanied by life.
A ladder needs rungs, missing is mine.
A rope needs to be strong, weak is mine.
A heart needs to beat, where is mine?
Lost in that swallowing sea of mine, whirling in circles.
Rejoiced that it's gone,
I'll feel no more.
FIND ME February 10, 2001
When I'm gone,
They'll finally find me.
Letters in dusty crevasses I pushed away.
Hidden treasures of my saddened existence.
When I'm gone,
They'll finally understand me.
Phrase caught the point in a word.
Made them think for a single moment.
When I'm gone,
They'll finally read me.
Words I never spoke, finally awoke my tongue.
Think they'll find me, when I'm gone.
PARENTAL GREETING February 10, 2001
Is it the fear of the situation you stuck your head into?
Better to have known before hand, what would result from desire?
Not afraid of the responsibility, afraid of the name I'll be called.
Dad is sad when he's mad, and sad he is.
"Hi, I'm your dad."
WINDY NIGHTS February 08, 2001
Maybe it's the less than more that has enticed me to stand still.
Lifeless as it seems to some, but maybe I'm right.
Always rushing along with my head down, oblivious to what lies ahead.
I never had to care about myself, never had a meaning.
Play it as a song with sweet riffs that distract the true meaning of the lyrics.
I don't want to live anymore screamed by lonely voices into windy nights.
I'd rather lie frozen than explain my meanings.
I'd rather not speak of such thoughts in open booked tests.
Maybe it's this less of life that has enticed so many to silence a voice.
BLESS HATRED February 06, 2001
Never thought oh thou could hate, bless hatred among the heart.
When come moonlit clouds that drift around your light.
When come serpent days end, be such a man I might?
Slither up to saw your tablet meaning, morrow twas this.
I the villain with you the paraded garbed queen.
Your kin bow, petals of rose fill your complection now.
I the shadow king watch from waters edge.
Look away, not between the crack thou caused in him.
Twas not of hand or written word but tongued wretchedness that fate seized.
Dead among thy own, dead among thy twice reckonings.
Scream to the moon that hides the sun, look beneath where I lie.
Hatred masks itself wisely in a young smile,
Yet fades quickly when the season changed faces.
SNOW CAPPED TREES IN A PARK February 06, 2001
Laughter stopped, the movie had ended and it was time to leave.
Sleepily walking into the night with a headache.
Throbbing pains make you cry and the tears freeze on your cheek.
Cold limbs move slower that way, mind moving backwards.
Perfect skies in a city lite horizon faded to darkness abide with snow capped trees in a park, alone.
Alone, these trees surrounded by houses that touch like hands.
Alone, these thoughts that stop short of loved laughter and caring.
Alone in a park sleepily walking home after a movie,
When the laughter stopped and the tears played to an audience of one.
Alone is the throbbing pain that causes tears that freeze your heart.
BUTTERFLIES AT DAWN February 03, 2001
Ramp'n and stamp'n, fan dangl'n around town with a red nose ring.
Rudolf the blue footed dinosaur had a freshie fedish.
Remember the blow up couch with the monkey and bananas?
Stabbing people with rusty compasses? Well in theory at least.
"Lightning crashes, a new mother cries."
Reading, laughing, writing, crying, and singing.
"Are there any queers in the theater tonight?
Get them up against the wall!"
Is it cold in there, among me?
Warmth seems to have left my side, then you returned.
We've grown, not our hearts they still dance with fireflies.
You remembered the little things, things I wrote and said.
I love that you reminded me who I was.
That means more than anything you could ever say.
Remember what stars look like with a loved filled heart?
Midnight rain on your neck, butterflies at dawn.
Remember what you felt when you read this?
I felt the same when I wrote it.
(To: Angie, thanks for reminding me who I am.)
MOUSE February 03, 2001
Control as defined to one who feels smaller than a mouse.
Sweaty hands lost in pockets, with eyes that have never seen the horizon.
Things look small down there, tall up there.
It's the filtered hatred and screams that pills take away.
It's the lonely worded, shouted yell that alcohol drowns.
Tiz no wonder, no wonder at all why there are so many lost.
Control freaks with undeserved power roam freely in the streets and it's legal.
My sweaty hands wrote this, my eyes saw the horizon.
For a brief moment I was taller than the mouse.
THE CORPORATE LADDER January 30, 2001
If color is what we see, who of them that walk the night see such?
Must be a prize to open the heads of others and reap there wisdom.
Demons among less than human creatures wallowing in credit card bought lives.
It's easy to borrow a mirrored life from those who were caught gazing at themselves.
They won't miss it, they've been there for years feeding there ego's.
I laugh at how they check there hands for the blood of those they killed to climb a ladder.
They climb and yet fall a day later, slain by those who watched from below.
LAST MINUTE January 28, 2001
When we talk on the phone I close my eyes and pretend you are beside me.
This technological device that delivers your tones is just a piece of man made plastic.
With window blinded eyes I can imagine your lips moving as the sounds drift through the air towards me.
It's a nice thought till there is dead silence and I'm forced to open my dreamed lids to where I was all along,
In a room trying to hold onto your words as they float away for ever.
Last minutes end as such, scary fumbled words that are spoken with fast syllables until there's that final click.
Left saying hello when there was no good-bye.
ALWAYS BE HERE January 27, 2001
It kills to hear you call me dad, not that it's bad.
Situations seem fogged by what's the right thing to do, maybe you can help me.
I've stared into your eyes and in some way we connect.
You've done nothing wrong lil one, maybe it's something you know that I can't see.
I'll always be here waiting to pick you up.
I'll always be here to play with your trucks.
I'll always be here to do up your boots.
I'll always be here to dry your tears.
I'll always be here to make you laugh.
It hurts to hear you call me dad,
Only cause I'm not and that above everything hurts the most.
I'll always be here for you, call me what you wish.
(To: Robbie, you always make me smile.)
TWICE January 25, 2001
Timeless spirit rise around her holding hands as she shines above.
I awoke from the dream of years to see her face.
Alive for once, twice I scream.
Walk through me, look within me.
Awakened by her whispers, I heard nothing before.
Alive for her, twice I held dear.
Hold my heart, I give it away.
Wide-awake I see her face.
Alive I feel, twice had died.
Alive we begin, twice we are.
SEEMS HIGH January 25, 2001
Rejoice amongst the butterflies dance, twirling in sideways actions defying rational theory.
Slanted depicted visions from smoke filled huts from ancestors before.
Seems high, this jaunt between the dreamt web.
Falling upward towards the ground, slowly grabbing air for support.
Limp bodies twitch and roll like kelp in the oceans ride.
Seems high, this picture wore in walls.
Looking beyond the dimension mere men created, closed eyes see more that way.
Attention is lost between a toke and a rye and coke.
Seems high, this sky on a clear minded night.
INSANE January 25, 2001
Wish it came with a manual, someway of telling the person what they should be expecting.
Suppose things would be simpler then, we can't have that can we?
Turn to page 50 in this book that tells of the questionable moves your about to pursue.
Page 51 contradicts itself nicely, saying you will fall in love only to lose it all within a season.
Seems sweet doesn't it, this book that is.
Throw it away!
Throw it away along with the other gadgets you've purchased over the years.
Remember all those times you almost died subconsciously in your head, maybe you did.
This could be the afterlife the bible huggers taunted you with.
You've tried to enter those gates and yet they send you back to attempt to patch the holes.
What holes? You mean it's not suppose to be like this?
I'm not suppose to think I'm insane!
HEART AND SOUL January 22, 2001
I know I can't help, and that beyond anything hurts the most.
It's tough on both who wonder in night skies of the other, not knowing for sure only being able to guess.
Guessing is not as safe as it may seem to be.
Thinking alone of what's to become, and then this loss begins to swell.
The loss of not having, it's always been there and I know you feel it.
Maybe it's selfish to want her when in fact need better describes my feelings.
I can't say as to where this will end, the swelling.
It's something that maybe will never go away, and it's scary to say.
This space between my heart and my soul where there should be none.
This space I think she would fill, and yet as hard as I wish or dream it's cut short.
I fear the unknown, fear the unloved, fear the loneliness that surrounds a world of lost.
Unsure if any would search long enough to find, search long enough to fill that unfilled space.
Until that time I'll always feel that swelling, that space that cries to be filled.
Filled with the heart and soul of another, another who is lost such as I.
Someone who knows all too well what these words mean.
Someone who's cried in the night skies of another, scared and all alone.
BIG MISTAKE January 21, 2001
Given up, think I'll just fade away in the background.
Stand among the less and nod and smile as the bastards walk by.
They probably wonder where the hell I am, wish I knew myself.
It's easier to just fade away, and I wonder how much this will cost me.
I could have easily ran towards the arms of another, that's a nice thought.
Maybe I did, and if so would that even bother you?
It shouldn't, remember this was all a big mistake.
NICE EXAMPLE January 18, 2001
It's been a while, I'm scared to pick up the phone.
Scared you'll fling into some tangent, and I'll pretend to listen like always.
Does this help the situation, think it makes me want to be anything?
Hate me! I know you do, I can't change that.
Regret those nights, I'm still wondering about that myself.
There was a line that stood between us and we crossed it.
Would I change anything? Maybe I would.
It still remains that we have a son.
Someone who is part of us both, so grow the fuck up and stop blaming me!!!!!!!!
You have no idea how it hurts to not know a damn thing that's going on.
No idea how I've felt like some spy ease dropping on conversations pertaining to our son.
I can't fix this alone, I can't just sit here and wonder when it is I'll know what the hell to do.
Is this what you want?
Us sitting aside bashing each other in our minds.
Yes it sets a nice example for him doesn't it?
I keep thinking that you'll use him against me like all the horror stories I've heard.
I keep thinking that I'll never be the father he needs.
ALL A LIE January 17, 2001
I can't say that, describe it? Impossible.
How am I too know?
Can you say this?
Tell me it's what is was!
As a child, I looked up at a world with an open mind.
It closed quickly.
Tell that to him then, not aware of all the pain that lingered around the innocence.
I'm suppose to sit and tell my son this?
Tell him that all is well, when it's a big a lie.
Just a portrait of happiness that is stored away in some museum.
It's all a lie.
WITHOUT ME THERE January 13, 2001
Is it safe for me too say that I still make you blush?
Can I deny all these doubts that have cluttered at my doorstep?
I've wished for days when time was all we worried about.
I've dreamt for days when your eyes spoke all the words you never said.
I can't say I don't, can't say I never will, can't lie another day.
If it takes my blood too bring your hands closer to me give me a knife.
How will my love be enough to curb your nightly desires?
Will it be enough without me there?
Is this a chance for love or another destructive line in an all too sad poem.
LOVER LOST January 13, 2001
Today I cried for those, who've chose to die.
Today I cried for lost loves, who've flown like doves towards the sun.
Today I cried for kin, who will begin to understand the meaning of this.
Today I cried for dreadful things, that will end these strings of despair.
Today I cried for me, who of all can't see the reason why.
Today I cried for her, because I think she's the lover I lost.
Today I cried for pain, in hopes that I'll regain the strength to start over.
Today I cried for memories, sugar coated fantasies and all that love brings.
Today I cried for time, with hopes I won't forget the rhyme she once told.
Today I cried for no reason at all, I know she'll call and all will be alright.
Today I cried, for those who's love had died too soon.
ONION TEARS January 12, 2001
If I was told before of this, I can safely say I was gone to lunch.
Seems as such this news of you're newly appointed wishes have fallen on my lap.
I've dusted away your memories, tore up the renderings that were in my head.
Yes it seems nice to think that we could have been normal.
Seems as such normal is not in our cards.
Fights rage within this sea that we both have traveled upon,
Though only for a short time I became sea sick, nauseously swearing your name.
True to this, facts I shall present to our kin upon request of such.
I bestow all I had to give upon your wasted promises.
Now I stand before you, and you cry.
And you cry!!!!!!!!!!
Don't cut onions before your face, cause these tears are false.
I won't cut myself with the knife of guilt like before.
I can't, god I can't go on.
HOLD ME TIGHT January 12, 2001
Think you can find me?
Others have tried only to give up, will you continue to weather out this storm?
Hold me tight,
It's within sight,
And the day turns night.
Lost I said, is this what you think I wanted?.
Found once by one, are you here to explain why?
Hold me tight,
I'm worth the fight,
And the night turns light.
If you are not a lie approach from the south.
If you seek me, look beyond the disillusion.
Hold me tight,
I was right,
And I will never be alone in light nor night.
WE ONCE WERE CHILDREN January 11, 2001
As children we would stray towards puddles,
Jumping into them even though it soaked our clothes.
Seems somewhere during this thing called "growing up" we lost that innocence,
Now we walk in straight lines like robots avoiding eye contact with the children we once were.
WINTER SNACK January 11, 2001
Peppermint paddies are good in the winter,
Remember I said that after dinner.
Coffee and cigarettes use to occupy my time,
Now I fantasize about a red headed private.
You use to sleep next to me and hogged the sheets,
Left cold on my own side I would think.
Think about why I was there, how could I sneak out,
Yeah I fell hard later, broke my head on your promises.
Bleed out my newly developed rational alarm that went off to say "man this is fucked."
"Give your head a shake and dust out her picture from your mind, she's just screwing with ya."
I hear it now, it's back within my repertoire.
You said we were too different to become one, I admit you were fucking right on that one.
Peppermint paddies were always my favorite winter snack,
I wouldn't expect you to know that.
CONFESSION #6 January 10, 2001
I need again, more than ever.
Wants drift away during droughts.
This has been long, remember the rain?
It felt secure then, knowing you were life.
Breath the same air among what was, sigh in relief.
I need something, I can't understand what it is.
Maybe she knows,
Knew all along.
Intricate as I seem, I still hurt.
Scared dry tears will turn my face pale.
Scared I won't awake from this line.
Petrified she won't see me.
I confess to that.
PRACTICED LIE January 10, 2001
I can't stand here and write these lies.
Can't spend my days with her visions behind my eyes.
Said before when I was awake never again, never could I become open.
Live with dreams, fantasies of what this life would be.
I can't say this aloud cause we are not close enough to shout.
I can't hold you and say things are happening for a reason.
If I said I was here thinking the same would you believe me?
What would I have to do to convince you of such?
Can I even begin to ask this?
Maybe I'm not aloud to become what I wanted.
Not aloud to have life.
I can't pretend to be happy, when I have no one to show.
There was a time,
Was a time when I smiled,
That time wasn't a practiced lie.
ME, HER, HIM January 9, 2001
Think, your actions were all practiced.
Reply, what did I say that night I can't remember.
Alone, felt it then now describe the pain to me.
You, one word you know to well.
Heart, you stole mine to replace yours.
Feelings, never mind.
Hate, still reminds me of your face.
Life, we created it unknowingly.
Can't, new favorite word.
Me, lost like always.
Her, wish I knew.
Him, a part of me I have yet to see.
LEFT OVER SPAGHETTI January 6, 2001
I hunger for your words, your speech as it drifts through my body.
Tingles and that rush that comes with it, that undescribable sensation everyone feels but nobody knows exactly what it is.
I've smiled today, I've cried today, I lived today.
Remember when silence was comforting.
When time was nothing but numbers on a clock.
Memories in a box I re-opened to breath in.
Read the phrase, last lines, good-byes.
Wonderment was nothing then, amazement was an hourly occurrence.
I hunger for your thought, your love that once found a lost boy.
A girl once walked miles to say hi to some guy miles away.
Remember what spaghetti tastes like the second day?
It's better the second time around.
NO LONGER January 6, 2001
Scared of the images that will appear when I close my eyes, petrified of what lies before me when they open.
I need an angel, a savior from a far, are you that person?
I've seen you before from a distance, I called for you.
The wind caught my calls and kept them from your ears.
How did you find me? I ran from everyone I held dear.
Walked for miles going nowhere, I'm no closer to closure.
Now here I lie confused and you hold your hand towards me.
Will you make sense of all this? Can you make the nightmares disappear?
Hold me while I drift off, brush your hands across my chest.
I've felt these hands before, I know this scent, I remember-
Tangerines, the sweet smell of such floating through the air.
I called to you and you appeared like an angel from a far.
I can close my eyes again.
I'm no longer afraid of what lies before me when they open.
LOST IT January 2, 2001
These thoughts should fade, there not.
They said it would be different this time around, they lied.
You of anyone should know how I feel, you don't.
Will any of those who stand before me give a shit?
Here to watch as I bitch and complain about my life, are you enjoying it?
Laugh if you must, it's all true.
I'm searching for life, my life, seems I lost it somewhere.
Maybe I lost it when you said you loved me.
Maybe it was taken when you raped my will.
Remember?
MYSTERY WOMAN January 1, 2001
You are to me a mystery, one that entices me to look inside myself for the courage to speak.
Can you see where I started to walk towards you only to stop and turn around.
I was nervous, scared of what you would do when you saw my face.
Terrified when our eyes met I would fall in love.
SPELLED DISASTER December 30, 2000
You were the reason I had to become who I was before.
This person that visited your dreams on calm nights.
Like from some witches spell I arose from the caldron of life to grant you happiness.
That I tried to deliver, I fell short it seems.
You were the person I thought you were, at least for a while it seemed as such.
Blame falls upon me like the spring rain, I can't escape it.
Drenched with guilt, you look towards clear skies.
I can admit I was wrong, when will you?
A TASTE OF MINE December 30, 2000
A year tacked upon the faces of the forgotten.
No cheers ring from there mouths, no drinks quench there thirst.
Watching from dimly lite rooms, hidden behind the backs of others.
Dance with our minds, hold our hands, feel the cold.
Stare and wonder what it is we need, dictate what seems rational.
You can't understand when you're happy.
Defuse yourself from what you have taken for granted and walk among us.
Ask when this light becomes tolerable again, we haven't felt such in a while.
Learn to deliver fake smiles to the kin who pass by and pretend to care.
Suppress all your emotions till you cry in your own arms.
Whip away the dreams that reflect from the puddles surrounding your feet.
Seems you don't fancy this so called existence, run back to the safety of your fulfilled life.
You'll never grasp my feelings, you'll only taste what it is I live with everyday.
Now ask me how I go on knowing with every day I open my eyes this is what I have to look forward to.
(To: Sarah, you're never alone)
NEITHER December 30, 2000
Think back to when you laughed, remember how you didn't flinch at the thought.
I'm laughing, not at you but at this stupidity.
You use to smile as I looked in your direction, now all I see is despair.
I'm sure at some point I was what you considered a lover.
Friends part, lovers quarrel, we ended.
Life is unfair and I still don't understand why.
Why it is that I'm here while you're there.
I can't seem to get you out of my mind, define such.
I wonder how long it will be, months seem like eternity.
The days dwell among my loneliness, left with things unsaid in my conscious.
Friends who became lovers, and now we're neither.
IN YOUR EYES December 15, 2000
Even among the greenest of grasses lie weeds.
That one weed that grows higher everyday, feeding off those who surround it.
I'm a weed I'll admit to such, and as much as I stand as an eye sore for you I'm stronger from your hatred.
I filter out the sly remarks, store it under all the other barrels of bullshit.
Pull as hard as you can my roots are held deep within this soil.
I'll destroy that photograph of failure you hold in your hand.
I may not be so beautiful in your eyes, but to some I'm picked and kept in a vase.
STILL A DREAMER December 15, 2000
I wonder if at any time you can actually recall what you've said to me.
Sure you appear as stone, I can't seem to penetrate such.
Sure you declare your independence amongst these peers, but you cry alone.
We don't live on a deserted island as much as you want this to be.
Interact within this so called place and tell me that you don't wish for things.
Longing for childhood dreams of a so called white clad night, look towards me.
Sure story books are written for the faint of hearts, and sure they live for the headlines of romance.
We all long for the passionate evenings along a stranded beach, a place where no one can see the fantasies unfold.
You must feel me at some point during the day, you must recall certain facts or reasons why you approached me.
Stones sink, dreams float descending upon those who wished for such.
I'm a dreamer, what holds me to this is that I still dream of your essence.
This of anything has kept me afloat among those who call our names.
EMPTY FEARS December 15, 2000
They say to speak aloud among them will make you a great poet.
I just sit alone with my friend of technology who doesn't resist my words.
I've tried to express my feelings to those I've felt deserved such, in return some smile and some frown.
I don't mean to live in the dark, I only write what my mind tells my hands.
I use to believe in fait, there was a time when I lived for the next page to unfold from this book.
I've grown tired of my lines, memorized every word, cross examined every action made.
I'm here still writing along trying to come up with this verse that will blow there minds.
It makes me mad how I can't seem to solve every problem that conflicts me.
Kills me that you lie only feet away and yet I can't muster up the strength to tell you I love you.
Not some rhyme from a Hallmark card but from words within myself.
I'm a poet or so they've said, a man who can't live without you.
A poet who will never be heard, who has no drive to even express his dreams if they don't include you.
What is life when you can't sleep cause you're afraid of the emptiness that lies beneath the sheets.
LIFE ON A MONITOR December 15, 2000
Nameless one, you lie within the warmth of life.
There I sit in amazement as for the first time in my whole life I felt I did something right.
For the first time in months I felt a warmth that was surrounded by a love.
Bonds held dear with unbreakable words whispered to myself.
Today I bid farewell to my youth, today has a new meaning, today I saw my son.
THE WAVE December 15, 2000
Wind through the screen calls toward shaded eyes.
Look beyond the flesh into my heart and see what I've tired to say aloud.
Pear through all the past and last started phrases said in defensive arguments.
Only time can tell for sure whether mistakes were made.
I look above in fear as you approach, not knowing if your eyes look for me.
At some point during this story someone had to write down the answers.
This is me watching from a dreamland cloud looking below awaiting your voice.
I've been here for what has seemed eternity and I won't sleep until I know the truth.
The clouds are drifting and of what I've seen I can't tell if you're waving me to come towards you or biding me good-bye.
PLEA December 15, 2000
It kills me in ways you can't comprehend to come up with a simple way to tell you how much my heart cries for you.
I'm left to wonder how I won't sound like every other man trying to win your heart.
Maybe it's the simplest thing I could say, yet I still can't seem to force myself to come to terms with the possibility you don't feel the same.
It's this worry that sits on my mind slowly eating away at my optimism causing so many doubts to surface that I just hold everything I feel inside.
I can't seem to come with grips that my insecurities have always caused me to lose the best things to ever happen to me.
I know if I do nothing I'll never know, but if I do what are the chances you'll grab my hand.
Will time again do me in like so many times before or will it for once pass me by.
A POETS QUOTE December 13, 2000
I lie broken,
mere pieces on a dusty floor awaiting the light of my life to encompass my soul.
HEAD FUCKED December 12, 2000
Whispering words into my ear, you slithered your hands across my body like a snake.
Lost in passion, I couldn't think and it was too late to ask.
Changed my life, you said I was beautiful.
You had dreams and they unrolled upon your sheets, there I rested with you in my arms.
"Will you stay?" "Yes" I replied.
"Is this what you want?" "I'm where I want to be" I answered.
Changed my life, you said this was long term.
You had visions of what I was and it now lies stained on your hands, I gave into you.
"Are you happy?" "I was" I declared.
"We should end this, I don't know you" I said nothing, what could I have said to change your mind?
Changed my life, you said we weren't meant to be.
That first night you said you'd fuck me like none before, that you did.
