All poetry by "The Lost Poet" is protected by law from false representation, plagiarism and tampering. Use of these works without the written permission from the author is prohibited.


HOMEWARD February 22, 2002

It's easier to forget
Your face,
Harder to remember my own.
I try to embrace a few happy moments
We spent,
Though it brings me back to
A blank wall.
Ending stories
Half read is hard to understand,
Yet you are the most
Difficult loss I've had.
I'm still on the sideline
Awaiting the game to restart,
And you have gone home
To bed.

LIFELESS February 21, 2002

My eyes are slowly
Drifting away.
Last visions
Of an all too bright
Television peak my mind.
I'm falling,
Deeply into
A trance.
One that entails
The simplistic journeys
My thoughts comprise.
Life,
Ends for a short while
And deaths temptation
Visits my doorstep.
Is this what it's like
Being lifeless?
Unaware of the
Planetary movements
Around you.
Silent
And still,
A statue in time.

FREELY SPENT February 21, 2002

I'm thinking
Of a beautiful scene.
Mountain top
Snow capped
Dreamy nightmares,
That make me sick.
This rose I bought
That never caught
Your heart
Rests on my mind.
You asked why,
When inside
I wanted to cry.
Wilting among that anger
I never showed.
I sucked in my own emotions
And played the marionette.
My strings old and brittle
From the hands that held
My backbone.
Bow for me,
Hold me,
Get away from me ;
And I lay on the floor shivering
In an absence.
Where did you go?
Where did I go?
When did it all go wrong?
I'm thinking of a beautiful scene,
With you and me ;
Happy.

GIVE ME A REASON TO TURN AROUND February 21, 2002

Goddess,
That of which I fall
Before knees ;
Praying.
Look before my
Idiocy fills the cracks,
Polluting my chance
To dance with fire.
Burn my eyes,
This light that
Blinds my shadows.
Caught in an interlude
That even dreams grace
Envies.
White and black fade away
Revealing color filled rain
That brings meaning
To a dull world.
Never saw the chance,
Never took that second glance.
Set the bar
Lower than my insecurities
And fell before I
Could explain my absence.
My tornado filled head
Shoots words that maim
Pretty hearts.
I'm not the child,
Looking for a game.
I'm an old man,
Looking for an abandoned grave.
I'm a failure,
Searching for a cause ;
To pause
My ending.

FAILING February 20, 2002

Courageously
I try to work up enough
Breath to spill out a few
Words.
I feel you looking
Into my soul.
I see you tasting
My mind,
Taking in my mumbled
Reactions.
I'm walking blindfolded
by you,
Stumbling into forgotten
Emotions that hid
Deep within my skin.
I'm trying
And failing
To hold you.

FROZEN TIME February 16, 2002

Taken pictures of frozen time,
Hang like corpses on the walls,
Depicting times of happiness
That has all but died.

THURSDAY THE 14TH February 14, 2002

Loneliness,
Isolation and
Solitude.
Alone,
Solitary and
Unaccompanied.
Lonesome,
Isolated and
Secluded.
Separate,
Break up and
Divorced.
Deserted,
Abandoned and
Forsaken.
Happy Valentines day.

OUR FATHERS February 12, 2002

Less we forget,
Our fathers.
Less we forget
The countless unrest,
Of countless nights ;
Stressed.
Our children who
Slumber in towns
Miles away,
While we argue
With there mothers
How much we pay.
Less we forget,
Us week-end dads.
We of whom
Watch the clock
As the time shrinks away.
Packing up the things
They wear,
They play with ;
Storing them away
For that other day.
Less we forget,
Us of whom
Respectfully,
Conquered the responsibility ;
Overcoming the views of a few.
Standing tall,
Amongst you's all
Who call us by other names.
My child is that,
Part of me.
Part of which you'll
Never take away.
You can say as you may,
But you'll never be
His father.
Less we forget,
Never bestow us honor ;
For we need not.
The simple smile,
Laugh and hug
From my child
Is worth far more
Than your acknowledgment,
That I am ;
A good parent.

NOTHING MORE THAN February 10, 2002

I grabbed a book
And couldn't put it down.
Though I hate to read,
I'm caught in a characteristic
Plot of my own life.
She teases his mind,
Calmly warping words
And phrases into
Things wanted to be heard.
I'm caught between
A paper cut,
And sleep ;
But I can't seem to leave.
I know this has to end,
And what of a beginning was it?
These people I read
Are lustfully sex driven.
They never speak,
But of murmured words under sheets.
They're never pleased,
Unless they're inside each other.
This relationship
Is better rated for the porn industry
Than that of lovers hands.
I see this,
Read this,
Focus my mind to understand this ;
Yet I live this
And can't deceive even
Myself to believe,
We're nothing more
Than erotic dreams.

MAYBE TODAY, MAYBE TOMORROW February 8, 2002

Your voice
Inflicts my wounds.
Spreading a bacteria
Throughout my aspirations.
Ending hope,
Snuffing my light.
Tonight,
I'm wondering
Where I am ;
Within you?
Yesterday I forgot,
Forgot why I try
So hard.
Can't understand
Your plan,
Can't understand
My infatuation ;
Of you.
Slowly I'm dying
From uncertainty.
Death from this unknown,
It's like forgetting to breath.
Gasping for air
That isn't there.
Reaching for your
Shadow,
Cause you can't
Decide ;
Whether you want me
Today,
Or Tomorrow.

NEVER ENOUGH February 6, 2002

It's a lonely
Candle's flickering glow,
That casts my souls
Shadow to a blank
Dreary wall.
It's this blank
Worded book,
That my hand never
Wrote.
A verse I mumbled
To you,
But never aloud
Spoke.
It's my lips
A cold,
Wanting your warmth
To fulfill
This goal.
It's a carefree dream
Thought up
By a child,
In a world who's
Forgotten hope
Overflows.
It's my hand
Reaching for yours,
Finding a love
In between
Streetlights glow.
It's so much to say,
And never will be enough
To describe it all.

REALIZING SUCH February 5, 2002

Burning away
In my skin.
Awaiting some promise
That will never sway your eyes
Towards me.
Standing still in a line
That never moves,
Calmly losing my mind.
Telling myself in the long run
Things will fix themselves.
Naive
I am.
Returning back to where
It all began,
Is reminding me how wrong
Feels right sometimes.
Writing this for you
Is tempting me to show
Some feelings towards you,
As scared as I am to come forward.
Waiting for love,
Is like shopping for shoes at a hardware store.
You'll never find,
What isn't there.

YOU, AGAIN February 5, 2002

I'm cursing my own
Name as we speak,
These words I say
You never hear.
Listen between my pauses
And just feel!
I can't follow this road
Blinded
By your indecisions.
I'm biting my lip
Trying not to pack up
My reasons and leave.
I'm wanting again,
Nothing much it seems ;
Just you
Only you.
Look away,
Again.

I THE WHORE January 29, 2002

Freakish thing
Is me
Thinking of three's.
My sheets a tore
Dawning countless whore's.
My dreams exist
Of mind filled trips,
That slowly fade
When my eyes engage
The light of days.
I can't seem to believe
That the freak in me
Will survive to see
Those two or three.
Slyly it hides
And the shyness survives,
Pushing aside
This wild side.
Don't front my smile
For from within
I'm pushing my ways
Dreaming away
My whore-ish plays.

THE END OF ME January 27, 2002

Jumping
Blindly,
Without a cause
Nothing at all.
Crying aloud,
To those who fold
There ears
From my cries.
The rushing ground,
Is tempting my soul
To overflow my veins,
And escape this insanity.
Fold my skin,
That burns from within ;
With stories never told,
And dreams abandoned cold.
Left astray,
I'll say
To you's who suddenly wish to view
My misconstrued ;
Hope.
"Fuck off!"
You never heard me before
So don't attempt to adore,
My gothic premonition
Of deaths plan.
The birds of black,
Arise to attack
What's left of my eyes,
So that what my death can see
Will never be.
Floating away
On today's day
Will always be
The end of me.

JUST IN TIME January 26, 2002

Are you resting your
Head on a star filled pillow,
Brushing your hair
As if flows towards your nose?
Are you sitting listening to guitar riffs?
Making a few words fit.
Are you biting a pen?
Daydreaming a silhouette
Of a carefree stream.
Are you drifting away
On rain drenched day?
Running through the puddles
Of an all too full parking lot.
Are you being a poet?
In all it's lie filled defined words,
Accompanying an emotional plot
To forget some pain.
Are you finishing this line?
Just in time ;
For me to fade away.

IN NEED OF CAFFEINATED COFFEE January 26, 2002

Managing to peel my hands
From my throat,
Arguing with myself
As my life
Slips away.
Is it that obvious
To my eyes,
That I've become
Poetically suicidal.
Matching this word
With that emotion,
Toying with it all
Makes me dizzy.
I need some sleep,
Decades suffice.
My eagerness
To failure is only
As strong as my
Self indulgence
And decaffeinated coffee
Just won't do.

CAUSE IT AUGHT TO BE! January 23, 2002

I have a million
Decisions to make,
And only one choice.
Difficult?
Toss a coin,
Pick a number ;
My life seems
So long.
Shortly I'll begin
To write my story,
From beginning to end.
Biography of the silent,
A guide for those
Who fear life.
Want to spare some time?
Flip through my mind,
Get lost in a complex
Gutter of shit.
Don't forget to breath!
Run throughout life
Carefree,
As we all pretend
It aught to be.

JUST ONE January 22, 2002

Random acts of stupidity
Have left me with
So many questions.
Like an annoying child,
Who's constant question is "why?"
My speech has frozen
From ears,
I've forgotten how
To communicate with the lived.
Hovering ghosts,
Resurrected hosts ;
And I
Bond for warmth
Among the loved.
Feeling sorry for myself
Is a new found gift,
Wrapped in my own skin
And never revealed.
My closest friend,
Is made of chips.
It never talks back,
But I talk to it anyway.
Insane the least,
Is this beast ;
And of that I stand
Just one.

INSIDE OF ME January 20, 2002

Demons cloud my mind,
Help me to remind
Myself I'm not my own master.
Hidden in my closet
Are all my hearts,
Stolen by those eyes
I never see.
My arms are dawned
With the cuts and bruises
My demon commands.
My face eludes me,
I'm never happy with
My simple reflection.
Often I catch myself
Torturing myself ,
Both verbally and self consciously.
I'm my worst friend,
And best enemy.
Clouding my mind with
My own monsters,
That are created within my head.
I run away to a world
No one see's.
There I can see things I want to be.
I'd like to stay,
The days
And be set free of my bleeding self hatred.
My mind tastes sour,
It's obscene to most.
Yet I of I
Am the only one,
To be blamed.
If I peel away my skin,
Let you peer within.
Will you simply laugh,
Or cry ;
Maybe sigh,
And run.
Knowing you wasted your time,
Chasing a dream.

VISIONS OF YOU January 17, 2002

Torturous ploy,
That is seeming to toy
With my visions
Of splendor.
Needless to say,
I've come away
Again left a stray ;
Lost.
My eyes have gone,
Left my home ;
Blinded
And alone.
I can't produce tears,
They've dried
From countless years
Of breakups.
I'm not myself,
This person who's
Own test
Has died.
I'm not you,
This person who's
Own eyes
Look past mine.
It's a torturous ploy,
Being this toy,
With my visions
Of splendor.

BREATH January 16, 2002

I calmly wait
For your skin
To touch mine.
Like a child chasing
The ice cream truck
In the dead of winter ;
Something you'd
Never see,
Yet I'm here
Thinking of a thought.
Waiting for your warmth
To release my good.
Shivering is my sweat,
As it beads down my skin.
I can feel your breath
On my neck,
Your tongue
Sliding into
Temptations.
I'm breathing you,
Breathing me.

TERRIBLE MIND January 16, 2002

I'm consciously
Removing my face
With my fingernails.
That of a few dreams
Of ones own demise.
Frantically screaming
At myself,
Morbidly caressing
My skin ;
Deep as it seems
I'm not.
Killing my spirit
Has become quaintly
Arousing.
If I could fly
I'd chase my soul
And make it stay.
My mind is
A terrible place
To hide.

IMPRESSIONIST January 15, 2002

Floating above
A once fantasized
Soap opera per say
Life.
Constantly moving
From one to another,
Purging my curiosity
To make me believe it was more.
I can't hold this all in my hands,
It slips through my fingers
Hitting the floor and dispersing
Outwards like flooded emotion.
Scream the forgotten word
Of promise and compromise.
Such things dwell on walls
Like master works,
Onlookers gaze and wonder
But never will they touch.

BALLAD OF A BLIND HEART January 14, 2002

Watching you,
Is like capturing an
Angel for my personal viewing.
Letting her caste her light
To guide my fingers
Towards your face.
I once had a story
In my head.
A tempered man
Slain dead,
By the hands of
A stolen angel.
Following sin
From within,
Broke the spirit
Of this soulful
Girl.
Hence this sub-story
Unfolds.
I fear oneself,
My own reflection
Taunts my hatred.
I lapse into a dream,
Wishing I'd never awaken
To naked sheets.
Alas times trickery
Forces me to understand,
This that I won't.
If I,
Can love ;
Just once.
I'll be watching you,
With my fingers ;
Again.

SENSUAL CASTINGS January 13, 2002

I can't seem to be,
Entirely
Committed with thee.
Alas times crumbled
Sands
Surround our faces.
As breathing twas,
And will forever be
A meaningless hymn.
One thus sung
On a moonlit day,
In a dreamers eye.
Senses caste away.
No I can't,
Responsibly say
With morrows grace.
That I among you
Will help to erase,
What was to be ;
T'ween you and me.

IT ALL BEGAN January 9, 2002

I'm replaying every memory
That entailed us.
Retrieving an ever lasting wish
That slowly faded away.
From the shyest of smiles,
To that love crossed look
I've kept them all.
Some days it hurts
Remembering times past,
Pains heart wrenching grip
That never seems to leave.
I heard it in your voice
When we spoke today.
I closed my eyes and returned
Back to where it all began.
A late night
Where words meant nothing,
But emotion spoke loudly.

PEAKING December 31, 2001

I'm wondering,
Trying to calmly figure it out.
Are you trying to slyly enter my head.
Sneaking in between our conversations,
Asking questions to back up any plan
You've devised.
Sorry for the doubts,
Yeah I know it's me again.
I can't help but feel this way.
So I'm sitting here wondering
Why it is you're peaking my mind.

NOT MINE TO HAVE December 31, 2001

I'm trying to hold on,
My mind is slipping.
Slipping into a past,
One I thought I erased.
Thus comes this nightmare once again.
I can't resist this temptation,
Again I'm trying to hold.
Hold onto this moral picture,
And it's not mine to hold.

OPENING MY ARMS December 29, 2001

Gothic scenes of
Splendor solis.
He wanders the globe of darkness
In search for a ear.
Tattered feelings drip.
Dripping thoughts and pictures,
Cascading downwards,
Crashing into this swollen disappointment.
Hear my words,
Listen to my eyes.
No lies,
No more lies.
I'm opening my arms,
Blinding my doubts.
Fear blocks this light,
Nightly friends ;
Don't run.
Don't leave me here,
Talking to myself.

KEEP IT IN December 27, 2001

Resting my head upon my hands,
I watch as my vcr blinks 12:00.
Caught in a cat like stare,
Lost within nothing ;
Empathy.
I'd like to retire
My heart.
Place it upon a mantel
Like some sports trophy.
I could gaze at it for countless hours,
Remembering it's pain stricken demise.
My thoughts are boundless,
When my hands rest upon my head ;
Holding in the embarrassment
Of failure.

XMAS CHEER December 25, 2001

Sinless bliss,
Is this dismiss
That life trials,
Misinterpret my goals.
I'm sick of nothingness,
In a lifeless state of me.
Missing a past life,
That of whom was
Questionably me.
Once happiness overshadowed
My hatred of oneself,
Remorse now boils over.
Raging feelings have left
Me so ;
Self consciousness
Kills my will.

ALL THE SAME December 24, 2001

I'm dreaming now,
Things I did that made no sense ;
Well they don't exist.
I'm still with her,
I'm still happy ;
Alive.
Sitting here,
As I am
I can picture my life,
As it was.
Crying now,
I am ;
Simply because it's nothing
More now
Than it was before.

SHY December 21, 2001

Furious,
This word describes my
Feelings at this time.
I saw you,
Spoke a few words
Though not the words I wanted to say.
Disappointed in myself again,
Again I hid behind a verb ;
Shyness.
Hi are you free tonight?
Just words,
In support of a feeling
And yet I can't speak the most important parts.
My tongue seems to run away
When you approach,
And I bow my head for fear
You'll see my own dissatisfaction ;
Within myself.
I'm my own
Worse enemy.

WHAT YOU DID TO ME December 20, 2001

I realize it's only been 12 hours
Since I've seen your face,
Eyes,
And Smile.
I know it's only been a short while,
But I miss
You already.
I've recaptured my soul,
Rejuvenated my will.
I realize it's only been today,
But it feels like forever ;
Since I've felt alive.

ME AND I December 19, 2001

Tell me how pathetic
It is to sit behind darkness
Night after night.
Complaining all along
Of the loneliness,
The struggles ;
Pain.
Wondering all along
Why it is you're alone,
Distancing yourself from your reflection.
Look beyond the truth,
Into your self.
You are the pathetic being,
You are me ;
And I.
Your soul drug along
For the hellish ride.

UNRELEASED December 17, 2001

Chasing myself
In a wind storm,
Where my sight has left.
Years pass
Again I'm here
Asking why you torture me so.
Yet I don't answer my own call.
Kneeling
I smash my hands into the earth
Repetitiously
Trying to grab my soul,
As it passes through my dripping blood.
Gone again
I'm losing cause,
Wasting away my reasons for wanting.
Longing feels selfish,
Loneliness my constant friend ;
That of which I hate.
Gritting my teeth
At my own reflection,
All along wondering what it is that stares back ;
This creature of unknowing.

FORGETTING December 17, 2001

Calmly I try to recall your reflection.
I forget your face
Even though I once held it so close.
Capturing this memory
Burns my skin,
Deeper with every passing day ;
As I forget more and more.

A CARELESS DAY December 17, 2001

Remain distant my friend,
Loth such facts
Those of which encircle this light.
Blinded superficial seasonings,
Concocted from the serum of life.
Depict for me
A reason for being,
I'll surface between breaths
And care for a day.
Running from a hatred,
Caused by my views
Of unloved zombies ;
Walking the earth in search
For a friend to remain
Just.

FINI December 16, 2001

Can you reflect on this?
Time trials it seems,
And I would like to start over.
Place me beneath the earth
So I may grow in all splendor.
Rejoice my rejuvenation,
Laugh at my accomplishments
And write my good will ;
In a two lettered phrase,
"The End"

LOVE YOU TOO December 16, 2001

Pain resides in your
Four letter words for love,
Fuck you!
Dear.

SIMPLIFIED ANSWERS December 16, 2001

Recent news has left me
A winding staircase.
I look up for some kind of help
But only see my shadow running away.
Means of communication fail me,
As my phone becomes another
Faux O Modern. (modern art)
Can we feel so alone?
Is it all just this and nothing more?
A bore
Is such,
My life held by a twig ;
Of which is rotting away as I write.
Close I am to defining it all,
But as I speak my tongue falls off ;
Twitching on the floor for some kind of
Donation from the passers by.
Twisted my mind,
Along with my hands which
Converge to purge your words,
In a third partied rhyme.
I sleep to scare my senses back
To some kind of reality.
Looking beyond my lies,
Holding all the ties ;
Still I rely
On simple things.

FROM A ROSE December 15, 2001

I've sat through countless days,
Pondering your ways.
Curled in a corner of my bed,
Playing along as you fucked with my head.
Knowingly I continue
To love you.
Fear clouds my judgement,
Scared of abandonment.
You won my affection,
With the abduction ;
Of my care.
I was so unaware,
That from a rose
Your true self arose.

RETURN TO SPLENDOR December 14, 2001

I'll displace your existence
In my thoughts,
Beyond my doubts ;
I can.
This resemblance of a stream,
Is washing away my dirt.
The filth that streaks down my
Tortured muscles,
Resembles your temperance.
Strip my love,
Return my dread ;
Get out of my head.

DEATH OF ANOTHER December 13, 2001

My floor grows colder with every step.
Tip toeing through my words,
Ever so carefully
Trying not to awaken my mind.
This cold breath
I exhale,
Reminds me of my heart
That beats erratically.
Thump,
Thump,
Silence.

PARA-PHRASE December 11, 2001

Over and under,
Such words I plunder,
Arise with my eyes,
Such wonderment and surprise.

Twisted fate,
Innate,
Walking corpses,
Rejoice.

Jars and cars,
Dreams in bars,
Stoned righteousness,
Selfishly earned loneliness.

Tombstone soul,
Reveals my all,
Courting with death,
Casts last breath.

Between the wall,
Beckon my call,
Today I pray,
Yesterday's away.

DAMMED December 8, 2001

Sometimes the hardest thing is just looking away as you walk onward,
Lived by as a ghost,
I ;
Forced to view your life's hell
Repeatedly.
(To: Someone I once knew)

AMONG MY December 5, 2001

It's still dark,
A pitch blackness that taunts my eyes to look beyond for any clarity.
Unknown by me is what lies between,
Midst my fields ;
Among my dreams.

I CHOOSE December 4, 2001

Voices taunt me,
Disillusions ;
The shadow warriors.
Fingers in my ears,
Fight back the years of
Constant fears ;
Myself.
Crazed in a daze,
Often looking blank
And self confused by
My own questions.
Fallen short,
Taken off line ;
I chose to lose.

NO ANGEL December 3, 2001

I tore off my wings,
Those that gods bestowed upon me.
Liars converge,
And purge souls ;
Called courageous by many,
Murderers by men.
Some book that speaks
Of twisted truths
And bounded bloods.
A simple philosopher
Stands where anyone could,
Speaks a few words
That are misunderstood.
I'm no angel.

THE BREAKUP December 2, 2001

I so want to eat you whole,
Like that delicious apple.
Sinfully ;
Looking the other way
Down a one way street
As the pedestrians bounce off my bumper.
Carelessly,
I exist.
Knowingly,
I exit.
Finished that supple apple,
And tossed the core.

BLANK FACED December 1, 2001

I fear not death
For it's final.
To begin life is a scared reaction,
Faith's whore ;
Torturing,
Twisting my tongue
Till it falls to the ground.
Decaying parts of my soul
Pollute the happiness,
That of which becomes an endangered verb.
I laugh at deaths door,
Knocking patiently hoping to instill fear ;
I open the door and stare with a blank face,
That of which I was born with.

AGAIN, YET AGAIN November 30, 2001

I tried to string
My emotional bridge to yours,
Thus in return time has failed
And I fell below ;
Once again.

RULES MY SOUL November 29, 2001

I hold yield to your passing's.
Your glance burns holes in my heart,
Those same holes you placed your hands upon at one time.
I the package that awaits your arms,
I the one that you love ;
Loved.
My lips tremble during lonely nights,
My mind strips my dreams on sunny days.
Fear rules my soul.

FORWARDED November 27, 2001

Can't deny this,
This reasoning that resolves around us.
I won't resist this,
This urgency to swallow you whole.
Forward my love,
That of which I gave before ;
Willing and true.
Forever for few,
We're all alone.

LETTER NEVER SENT (originally written Oct 3rd)

Dearest,
I'll try my best to not be too messy, okay.
I was taken by surprise that you called.
Not that you actually did,
But I thought you hated me.
You have no idea how scared I was.
That I would never hear your voice again.
I smiled,
Paused and took a huge gasp of air,
Like I hadn't breathed in days,
Or I had forgotten how.
There are so many things I wanted to say,
But forgot.
Today I captured every question I had for you.
I was frozen in time today.
I asked myself what happened,
Then rehearsed this speech I composed
To win back your heart,
Even though it doesn't belong to me I want it.
I want your heart,
Your soul,
Your entity with me always.
Like a selfish child I scream
And sway my arms during the night wishing for you.
Have I even defined my thoughts?
NO
I kept wondering if you were walking
Around something during our conversation.
I wanted to ask where we are?
Am I even back from my trip,
This trip my soul took when we parted
On that hot day in Oklahoma.
I look back,
I remember everything
And I only ask what you feel.
Can we be who we saw,
It was so easy even a year ago.
We walk this path together,
Then not,
Then we met up and continued on.
Are you among me?
I feel so stupid,
I know exactly what I feel
Yet I'm only guessing at what you feel.
Even better yet can you feel for me?
I've lost my track,
Please call okay so I can understand.
Look at the sky,
Dry your eye,
I'll wish again.

INKED VULTURES November 23, 2001

I'm looking at a million tears,
Upon a few pages.
Drips like rain
Stained inked vultures,
That pick at my flesh.
I'm left empty,
Heartless with a black soul.
Drained of all self worth,
Covered by your words ;
Like the earth over my death.

NOT KNOWING November 20, 2001

Closing my eyes
Drifting onward into a visioned vacancy,
That of my own mind twisted and contorted.
Scared to look beyond my own fears,
I just lie there subconsciously wanting to die.
To toss and turn
Have become a nightly ritual.
To dream of fools and
Reward myself with such names.
Coldly I fade away,
Silently into a lonely night,
Consciously wanting to live ;
Not knowing how.

BALLAD OF A FATHER November 17, 2001

Reconsideration
Mixed with some past make
For a perfected picture.
I hate to be blind,
Cause I never see the obvious.
Traditions hold my heart,
Memories taunt my soul ;
Realism forms my tears.
A million miles from happiness
Only folds my life,
Like a piece of paper put aside
For the trash.
Rational tendencies
Don't seem real,
As I prefer to complex it all.
Myself becomes a past,
As I look beyond a futuristic world,
Into my sons eyes.
Answers begin to unfold,
Within his smiles ;
Myself reappears.

AS YOU WISH November 15, 2001

I'm remembering
What it was like to imagine
My hands with yours.
I'm treasuring the visions
My eyes cast upon my lids.
I'm ready to live,
Today for tomorrow ;
Never more,
Erase the past.

MYSELF November 12, 2001

Shivering with warmth,
One that lost it's way.
Possibly again I'll wander down a path and find myself ;
Walking up to myself.
Finding again,
Her face.
This that scolds my cold breath,
Wasting away
And away with time.
Why do I,
Doubt myself?

NORTH STAR November 11, 2001

I look above to a starry site.
Your face encompasses my eyes
Upon it's light,
Among the butterflies.

TOMB November 11, 2001

Died a million fold,
Falling in love with every death.
Sad to seem is such,
Never the less I bleed the tears of every casualty.
I lie here lifeless,
In a tomb of mans hand.
Look towards the sky,
For a forwarded expression.
Lifeless I stay,
Awaiting a crack ;
To crumble my heart.

HELL'S ILLUSION November 10, 2001

How to tell
Whether it's hell ;
Engulfed.
Lives drained from souls blood,
Left to train for an after life
That's a bigger lie than the life it use to be.
Revolution turned around,
Bit some reality whole ;
Spit out some words and found a fool.
Following a light,
When it's the dark of night that fuels my heart.
I'll not follow you into the lies,
Captured into a few murmured songs.
Remain alive to rest among the night,
Frightened by daybreaks ;
Illusion of hell.

I USE TO, NOW I November 10, 2001

Traveling time
Rests for me.
Diseased bones
Fragile dignity.
I use to dine on words,
Now I fall behind them.

Witnessed obsessions
Make me weak.
Opened letters
Erupt the pain.
I use to live,
Now I tire.

Deep scars
Drip my soul.
Released tears
Forgotten roll.
I use to believe,
Now I lie.

Trying to breath
Lasting hope.
Cathartic dreams
Is how I'll leave.
I use to care,
Now I act.

WORDED MEANINGS November 9, 2001

Reliability,
A wish list I can't fathom.
Loneliness,
A tragic book that engulfs me.
Friendship,
Hardship follows the tears.
Love,
Words spoken by ill tongues.
Trust,
None to give.
Lost,
Me in a word.
Done,
This is.

A LOSS November 8, 2001

Subject to rejection
These faces that stare,
Of my own they be.
Reflections of,
Times trial ;
Sentence!
Endless time
To judge thy own self worth.
None be found today,
As of yesterday
I'm a loss.