All
poetry by "The Lost Poet" is protected by law from false representation, plagiarism and
tampering. Use of these works without the written permission from the author is
prohibited.
YOUTHFUL BLISS March 3, 2005
Wave good-bye to the little boy,
Stand above this ridge and for
Once prove something ;
Show emotion to someone -
Mostly her.
You always run when things get tough,
Overlooking the possibilities of happiness.
This is what you write for ;
Trying to break the silence your face impersonates.
You know all the words,
But can't seem to put them together.
Learn from our past mistakes
And stand a man.
WORTHWHILE March 2, 2005
I'm not quite the man I want to be.
I see him,
Starring casually like nothing matters ;
But he I not be.
I'm not quite the lover I portray.
I use to be,
Acting like an animal in full rut ;
But he I not be.
I'm not quite the father I wish to be.
I never saw my own,
I see others playing with there children ;
But he I not be.
I'm not quite the poetic voice I impersonate.
I act the part,
Flowing words on paper but can't seem to murmur them to you ;
But he I may never be.
I'm not quite anything -
At least in my own eyes,
But you seem to think I'm worthwhile
And this among anything
Makes me the person I want to be.
OUR ANIMAL INSTINCT January 26, 2005
It seems never enough to just love someone.
We're never pleased with what we have.
That's the difference between humanity and animals,
Nobody can ever be happy with what there dealt.
We have yet to understand the way we can change ;
It's the stubbornness of our ancestors that hold us prisoners.
TO BE PREACHED UPON January 26, 2005
The devilish ploy we master,
Dawning faces not of our own.
Those who preach gospels of life,
Then push it aside to abide by there
Own picturestic scenario.
I won't be what isn't there.
By your own words ;
We live not by the past,
Yet I live it everyday.
THE HIDDEN CODE January 9, 2005
Sometimes words as innocently spoken as they seem,
Haunt and taunt my mind.
Funneling downward into the abys that is my soul ;
Swirling as reminders that become insecurities.
Flush away that - that must not stay
And become the demise of all we be.
BEAUTIFIED BROWN HAIRED GIRL December 7, 2004
Returning to an all to
Familiar hurt;
I've crossed this and that so many
Times I can't remember what it's
Like to be normal anymore.
I be he, this little boy who's
Eyes Twinkle, yet inside beneath
My bones lie all the words my
Tongue won't speak.
I always lose the best things,
Watching them float away, and yet
I can't seem to be strong enough
To hold on.
I'm remembering your eyes, and
How deeply I peered upon them
Watching myself's reflection
Laugh at me.
I won't become what I was,
I can't live unhappy.
This undescribable lose is burning
My skin, causing my heart to
Skip beats.
I miss my beautified brown
Haired girl and even as I
Sit here writing,
My heart calls for yours.
If pain is love ;
Then in it I am.
COMING TO GRIPS WITH REALITY November 12, 2004
Seems to be I can't remember much ;
Yet set my mind free to let the words speak for me.
Daily habitual activities make me ever so lazy
And though I know I can,
I can't seem to muster the strength to open
My eyes long enough
For conscious thought to prevail.
I am ever so dishonest with myself,
Yet I allow this to continue.
Awaken my mind!
Allow time to mean something
To me ;
Again.
DAILY GRIND August 17, 2004
I've got a thousand things to say
Yet nothing seems to be real ;
Unreal fantasies seem to roam beside me
And when I look behind to find it -
They vanish.
Seems you can never run fast enough
To catch that break,
The one everyone else boasts about
While there breath reeks from man
Made chemicals.
Stitch by stitch their stories unravel
And I'm left wondering how in the hell
I'll never get past my past.
I won't fall -
Your words can't pierce my ears,
They can only fall into my pockets for later when the lights go down ;
Only then when my mind falls down can
They stab me.
I'll awake in gore,
And do it all over again.
ALONE December 16, 2003
In my own prison
I roam,
Chained in skin and bone ;
Awaiting deaths door to become reborn.
Your words of embarrassment warm my soul,
Forcing my friendship with my own to flee -
Do you feel justified?
Can you feel at all?
Your weeping soul spins lies,
But my eyes can't see through the disillusion.
I am but alone
No one can see what has been seen,
You trick yourself into believing
What was never there to believe.
Shackled in a blackness
The rain can't wash away.
I remain ;
Alone.
In my own prison
I remember,
Memories ;
The memories that convicted myself
Into this guilty plea -
My mouth denies.
Do you forget?
Can you even try too?
Your face speaks for the words
You failed to say aloud.
I am but alone
No one can see what has been seen,
You trick yourself into believing
What was never there to believe.
Shackled in a blackness
The rain can't wash away.
I remain ;
Alone.
In my own prison,
I watch as time melts away.
Lost pieces of my life
Falling through my hands ;
Into your skin.
I've stole myself,
Pawned it off on you ;
And your not worth my simple breath -
Wish my eyes would open
And see you gone.
I am but alone
No one can see what has been seen,
You trick yourself into believing
What was never there to believe.
Shackled in a blackness
The rain can't wash away.
I remain ;
Alone -
Alone in my own prison.
YOUR DISAPPOINTMENT December 7, 2003
Coldness swells,
Creeping downward from your glare.
Closing my eyes I still feel you ;
Infecting my vessel.
My world of you is years
Of dreams
Converging into a one minute
Monolog -
A best seller in ones mind,
Though in yours a disappointment.
Never said I was more than this,
Never expected more than you ;
And without I'm lost -
Simply put.
ODE TO YOU October 22, 2003
Lying in dream,
You enter my range.
You,
This animalistic casual dame ;
And I -
Twitch from your expression.
I'll taste your lip
And bite your neck,
But your lobes fear not ;
My tongue won't burn.
Tasting you,
Has caused me to shake ;
I can't seem to stop -
Awaken me ;
Wet.
IN SIN October 22, 2003
Speechless I was for a time,
Then from within
A calling of sorts withered away
My eyes.
Awaken to new!
Stumble into streets and hear
My dreams as they spill
From my fingertips ;
Melted memory -
I'm still forgone.
Unvanquished objectives
Have left me shadowed in sin.
SOMETHING July 31, 2003
Something swells inside,
Pain ;
The pain won't quit.
I think about things,
Constantly thinking of things
That in turn cause my body
To explode.
The nightly sweats and
Countless hours of pain
Are getting to me
And I often wonder if there's
An easier way out!
Something lives inside me,
Pain ;
The pain won't leave.
I think about you
And what you could be doing,
Constantly thinking of you
That in turn causes my body
To weep.
The little pink pills don't help
And I'm tired of describing
It to a guy who gets
Paid way to much!
Something teases my mind,
Pain ;
The pain won't exit.
I think about my pathetic existence
And just who fucking cares
That in turn causes me
To question myself.
This good/bad life
Is bringing me downward,
And as much as I swim
I get no closer to reason.
YEAH, WHATEVER June 23, 2003
You pop back into this scene,
The one where you call
And I jump up to answer.
Sugar is sweet,
So is that of the words you speak ;
Catching my tongue.
I'm just going to sit here
And forget why I said hello.
You, you and you ;
Some more,
My life is full!
So hang up before I do ;
Tell me in the future
How it all turns out.
YOU'LL NEVER SEE May 29, 2003
In and out you are ;
Of my life.
I'm awaiting the false signs
Projected from your smile,
The ones that trick my heart
To beat -
Still.
I'm wondering how aware you could be,
Of how this
Intern reflects back.
What is it you see in our reflection?
Walking blind,
Carelessly swaying your hips
Looking back to see if I'm staring ;
And I am.
I'm a tired man,
Tired of the playground games ;
I don't think you'll ever understand.
THORNS May 13, 2003
My cloudy eyes
Repress my feelings,
Causing this dam of emotion
To spill outwards.
I'm not as tightlipped
As I once was,
Though my words
Get caught in your shadow.
Can I suppress myself
Before it all fails ;
I can't return.
Opened is my hand
Awaiting these thorns
To pierce my ego,
Deflating my falsehood.
HELLO April 29, 2003
I'm trying to grasp your words
As they float above my stoned eyes.
I can't say no -
No is not what I want to say.
My tongue is tying knots around my words,
Keeping them hostage ;
For a few more hours.
I NEED NOT, YOU April 10, 2003
I tire from being your delivery man,
Hearing your laugh behind my ears ;
I can be nothing more?
Your questions fall short,
My silence haunts your mind ;
Take a guess.
I need not discuss
What you've done,
You'll have enough time
To question yourself.
LOST HOPE April 9, 2003
My love is causing my stomach
To spin into knots,
Causing the easy task of feeding
My soul ever so difficult.
In with time I'll force myself
To look into the truth,
That of which my heart hid ;
The lies.
I'm trembling from a stone
That can't combat pain.
I want you too see me! -
Screaming for myself to quit.
Wasted time erupts from my ears,
What ambition I had
Has floated away ;
I wave.
Selfishness:
An addiction you'll never kick.
420 February 11, 2003
Hello,
Got any?
Okay, that's my other line,
Later.
RUDE January 22, 2003
This spider web
Is holding the light,
Casting magnified shadowy dreams.
Caught in a stare,
For time to judge
When to awake.
15:49 January 22, 2003
Looking behind I watch
As my past creeps up,
Trying in fact to pass me by.
I'm running,
Carelessly ;
Certain things just never die.
I was over so many,
But memories can't feel.
I'm going to give in,
Let it win ;
So I'm forced to remember
Your touch.
Keep holding.
Keep -
Holding ;
I'm almost there.
SEQUEL # ? December 31, 2002
Twas the night before Xmas,
And all through the house
Lingers the smell of rye,
And cigarette smoke.
Tired and weary
From the drunken babble,
We head off to slumber.
(Beyond our disbelief)
The children lie softly in bed,
As I look beyond you turn your head.
I watching as the ghosts spin the room,
You take my hand and the past begins to bloom.
I'm tasting sugar plum dreams,
Peaches and cream.
Speech slithers through my deafness,
Teasing my tongue from sinfulness.
I could hold you in the moon,
But the morning comes to soon ;
With new eyes -
All is forgotten in the room.
TAKE MY HAND December 10, 2002
I shall remain nameless,
Shaking to break free
From all that's happened.
Can I trade my life in?
Perhaps I can find something better,
And yet I still fight myself ;
Trying to help myself.
NOT LAUGHING December 5, 2002
It's all a joke,
But I'm not laughing.
I hear you,
Behind my eyes,
Pounding on my brain
Slowly driving me insane.
I'll laugh soon,
Soon as my body returns
From your grasp.
I'm not laughing,
Aloud.
CONFESSION # ? November 21, 2002
Nice guys do always finish last.
The pain is taking over my high,
I can't see anything left ;
In me.
THE FINAL CURTAIN November 21, 2002
My heart has bursted,
The darkened blood turns
Brighter as it hits the floor.
My head is cloudy,
My eyes slanted ;
Spilling tears.
I'm trying to stuff my
Life back into my chest,
But it flows right through my fingers.
Such is life,
Happiness turns an ego
And buries you.
I'm done,
Done with fake promises,
Done with being a pawn,
Done with you,
Done with me,
Done with life.
WHILE TRYING TO DEFINE ONESELF November 19, 2002
I am but a boy
Trapped in this body.
Inside,
My mind funnels a thousand
Scenarios,
Which in turn cause my eyes to grow weary.
I am as sensitive to those I love
As they are to me.
I cry when I'm hurt,
Laugh when I'm happy,
And smile when the time seems fit.
My insecurities haunt my soul,
Causing me to live in doubt.
(Though I'm trying to change such)
I like quirky things,
Others may think are weird
But are normal in my eyes.
I show my love as much as I can,
For I've learned from past experiences.
(I use to be such a prick)
I cherish little things others overlook,
Keeping pieces of paper like ticket stubs
To remind myself happiness exists
When my shadow interferes.
I try not to take advantage of love,
For I'm not quite sure what it is.
(I can never tell until it's too late)
I try to go out of my way to help others,
Cause I've spent too many hours alone,
Tired and dependent on substances.
I shadow my true self from most
Hoping they won't discover how screwed up I am.
(I often question life)
I listen to every word most have to say
With hopes I can help in some way,
Because I remember how lonely a
Candle lit bedroom feels.
I've been in love with only two,
But told many I was.
(My mind likes to lie to my heart)
I'm addicted to cigarettes, poetry
Self hurt and sex.
I never wanted children,
But now I can't live without them.
Marriage was a joke,
But now it's what I dream about.
I believe in love at first sight,
(I'll never forget your eyes)
Do unto others as they do upon you,
Wishing on stars, loyalty, fate
And that there is someone for everyone
Somewhere out there.
Money can't buy happiness
And I'll argue that point to anyone
I like two day old spaghetti.
(It just taste better for some reason)
I constantly write in my head,
And am often caught gazing into space.
I like watching loved ones sleep,
As I try to decipher their dreams.
I look out for others before myself.
(That's the way I was taught)
I miss many things,
And constantly torture myself over the losses.
I am but a boy trying to be a man,
But in all I can just be me ;
I can't define myself.
IN YOUR EYES November 19, 2002
I could stare into your eyes
For countless hours
And still not begin to define
Your beauty,
My life's goal
Is to do such.
REBORN November 8, 2002
I'm lying in darkness,
Among my smoke filled room
Teasing my senses with your scent.
My mind travels a million paths
And they all end with you.
Thoughts, phrases and a million words
Flutter from my speechless tongue,
As I'm trying to define your warmth.
I'm ready to start from scratch,
Peel away my darkness,
The endless years of pain ;
Blending together.
Tonight I've been reborn,
And I'm waiting for you
To lie amongst me.
EROTIC THEFT November 2, 2002
Your presence,
As simple as it seems
Changes my character.
I'm left with intriguing fantasies
That unfold amongst my dreams.
(Will you share yours?)
Wanting to feel your breath
As it fogs down my neck.
Twitching as this feeling
Sends impulses to every nerve I posses.
My eyes reveal an animalistic presence
As I see myself doing things
I never would.
I'm losing my shyness,
It's been packed away
Among my other insecurities.
Craving your taste,
Missing your touch.
I'm feeling your tongue
As it maps my body,
Sensual sensations have always
Fed my needs.
I'll go where others end,
Your nectar will only fuel my desire.
The calls and moans
Explode my ears
Leaving me a glow.
As this candle light flickers
My erotic ego awakens
Ready to steal your dreams.
FROM MY HANDS November 2, 2002
Trying to keep my mind free
Has left me drained.
Thoughts like cascading water
Drift through the cracks in my mind,
Hiding and seeking the approval
From my hands ;
To appear and punish my happiness.
Partially,
Anything good has dawned a cloak.
Challenging my eyes to see
Through the mirrored image
That sweats my sheets.
I try to see the good,
It sneaks around the blackened
Words she speaks.
I wonder how long this journey
Will last before I run out of gas
And drift to the side of the road.
My emptiness overshadows
My will to appear as worthy
Of your love.
I JUST MAY BE November 2, 2002
This day lingers,
Watching as time's hands
Drift backwards as to tease
My ongoing infatuation with memory.
Why am I abusing my soul,
Raping myself of opportunity.
Intriguing as it is to step on
My confidence ;
I'm in dire need of a vacation.
Step out of my vessel
And watch what my
Alter ego can accomplish.
Surely she can cause no more pain,
For I've dealt myself blank cards
On so many occasions.
I'm no hero,
No dream you've wished would
Unravel before your dreary eyes.
I'm of flesh and blood,
Full of passion
And overflowing love.
No Romeo,
Simply myself.
This day lingers,
And I can't escape pessimistic ideals ;
Human?
I may be.
ENTANGLED IN YOU November 1, 2002
Engulfed with pain,
I've crossed the line between
Freakish nights and being sane.
Of loving wishes I'm
Entangled in loves death,
A vicious disease that
Invades all I touch.
I can lie to myself,
But I can't get past your eyes.
I'm trying to awaken my past,
Rise above what scares you
So you can see this is truly me.
I can't tell what lies ahead,
Though in my head I've seen
Every hope and dream revealed.
Your simple caring has broken
The thick crust that protects my
Slowly beating heart.
Stay the day,
Don't run away ;
Enter these gates with me,
Where so many said good-bye.
FALLING IN LOVE October 30, 2002
Midday thoughts,
Smiles.
Your smile that
Fills me with a warmth
I've not felt in some time.
Falling downward
With my eyes closed
So I don't see the obstructions.
I know the exact verb,
But have trouble saying
It to myself ;
Besides you.
You fill me with the "want",
The want to continue.
This feeling of energy
Is overwhelming,
How far will I go?
I'll never know,
I'm still in "aw" of you.
PIERCING October 29, 2002
I enjoy the cold steel
Going through my skin,
Yet another dawns my ora.
It's a high,
Or addiction
I have yet to fully grasp ;
Or define.
MORNING NEWS October 29, 2002
With dreams of death
I'm subsequently left
With relief.
Scared reactions drift away
With the tide,
As I lie cleansed,
Reborn.
Signs of change?
Possibly.
I no longer fear
My demise,
Yet question how many days
Until this nightly ritual
Becomes another headline.
TEMPTATION October 28, 2002
Lost among my
Insecurities,
Caught in lyrics
From an all too familiar song.
I'm awaiting outcomes
I can't control,
Sitting in the dark
Awaiting your surface,
You're smile of
Reassurance.
I can taste
Your agony.
THAT NIGHT October 27, 2002
Crimes of passion
Surface around you.
I'm stuck in a mindless
Battle with morals.
I this spineless prick
Of opportunity that
Rapes your hope ;
Invisibly.
Carelessly without
Second thought I take
What was never mine.
My actions speak
Of their own guilt,
Surfacing like a sun
That never sets.
I accept the disappointment,
For I've done to another
What I cursed before.
I'm the cause'r of pain,
And I'm judge to my own
Persecutions.
CAN I? October 23, 2002
Never thought I would
Push aside my emotions
Towards you.
Never thought I would
Move onward
Where we abruptly ended.
I now realize I can
Close this book,
I can look the other way
And see another smile.
I've wasted so many wishes
Hoping for hope.
Wasted so many tears
Hoping for another year.
I can carry on,
I can.
DADDY October 15, 2002
"Hi daddy" you say
As you walk into the room.
So proudly loud
You spill simplified
Words that melted my heart
And become a memory
I'll never forget.
(To: Mac, how you never seize to amaze me.)
CUT AWAY October 10, 2002
Feeling subsequently
Inadequate,
I've decided to vanish
From your world.
Casually walk into the darkness
And watch as your face slowly
Fades into a dream.
Often wish I could eradicate
The memories,
Slice away our past.
WOULD HAVE STAYED September 23, 2002
I often wonder if
What we were
Was a simple mistake
Or fate running wild and free.
We were
For so long in love with words,
And when I saw your face
For that first time
I told myself this is real.
Rushed with happiness,
Cleansed by your touch.
Things faded too quickly
And you ran once again.
I just wanted you to know
Incase your eyes ever see,
I would have stayed
And been everything we ever said.
I would have gave up all
For your love.
The dumbest thing I ever did
Was leave that day,
Knowing well enough
That I sealed our fate
With that good-bye kiss.
(To: Angie, just so you know)
SMOKE RUN September 23, 2002
I'm seeing you without him,
And as you're grasping my leg
I'm thinking if these words
You spin are simply a web
To catch my interest
In my drunken stupidness.
GUESSING September 18, 2002
How do I let go?
My hand holds onto this
Like it's lost,
And to you maybe it is.
It's hard second guessing yourself,
Hard seeing you all the time,
And all I can do is smile.
I'm trying to make it seem like everything is okay
While inside I'm slowly dying.
BEDFORD ST. September 13, 2002
I'm remembering the warmth
From your hand as we walked
Down that dark street.
You looked up and smiled
And at that very second
I knew I was falling in love with you.
SALTY TEARS September 13, 2002
Jealousy turns even the purest into the beast,
Fully knowing all along that only
Evil follows the path of such,
Yet you continue to feed you mind
What the evil wishes ;
And you're left with nothing
But salty tears.
NIGHTLY HABIT September 11, 2002
When you feel invincible,
Like the world looks only for you.
Casting no shadows,
Seeing only lights that blur into the horizon.
Everything absorbs you,
Feeding off your skin.
Little sounds hurt your ears,
And you can't escape afterthoughts.
You're stoned.
GULLIBLE September 11, 2002
You ask a simple request
Knowing all along
I'd die for you ;
I'm far too exploitable.
PLEA September 9, 2002
It started again,
Smiles fade into the sun,
Afraid as I am to run ;
I statue,
And wait for the end.
You told me before
I was never enough to tame you,
Yet I tack years onto my heart
With hopes you'll notice my face.
I'll never learn,
Never shadow my feelings
Towards that of which
Causes me so much pain.
It's easy to dismiss my eyes,
Easy to erase my mind,
But my heart burns
Through the obvious,
And makes my eyes see
What's not there.
I call upon thee,
To see through me ;
Beyond the shell that surrounds my being.
Towards the setting sun
Is where you'll find me,
Catching the final rays as
The night falls before my feet,
Left cold ;
Alone.
Will you cast the light from within you?
Shadow my darkness with your heart,
And murder my doubts.
Flood my blood with yours,
Step onto my world
As you have before,
But stay the night ;
I'll watch as you toss and turn around me.
Fictitious dreams,
Breed hope ;
It's easy to deceive oneself.
OPEN YOUR EYES July 28, 2002
Isolation grips my will,
Leaving me to believe I'm still alive ;
Somewhat.
Midnight dreamy nights
Taunt my hands to grasp my throat,
Reality it seems disappears
And I awaken to death.
WELCOME TO ME July 21, 2002
Above all,
A trial in life
For-see's all.
Your eyes meet mine,
Your heart feels me ;
Yet alone blind.
I'm left tired
Trying to grasp reality
And there is none for us to see.
Things always die too soon,
Burnt fantasy's play my mind.
Reaching for a glimpse of you,
Yet you disappear too soon ;
Welcome to me.
Late in the night
I awake too my own screams,
Looking aside to warm bodies
That have left all too soon.
I can't dampen the pain enough
Too open my eyes.
KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR July 9, 2002
I love the smell of your skin.
In my dreams you take away the pain,
Make the darkness go away ;
For a short time.
I'm watching you sleep,
Counting your breaths ;
Jealous.
Demise is knocking at my door,
Your arms never stay long enough
To fight off my self consciousness.
Shed your skin,
Let me in so I can hide.
CHASING YOUR SHADOW July 6, 2002
I am nothing more
Than an imbecile.
I look back and laugh,
Laugh at all the insecurities
That have poured over me.
I'm but a young child
Crying aloud ;
Hoping for love
Yet it is erased too soon.
I wander alone
Wishing to trip on your shadow,
Yet I'm too blind to see such.
I am nothing more,
Than myself ;
And that is not enough
To gain your love.
SEE ME July 2, 2002
If ever you open your eyes
And see for once
Like never before,
You'll see me
Looking back
WHO I BE June 13, 2002
Want to take a look inside my skin?
I hide beneath uncertainty hoping for a glimpse of hope.
Years I've been secluded,
A selfish act that leaves me in a self hated state.
I'll soon snap my neck
And fall into the abys
That entails my name.
GONE NUTS June 13, 2002
Alone at night
I frighten myself to open my eyes
And peer along at my life's past
And laugh so loudly ;
I must be close to insanity.
DIGESTING TIME June 12, 2002
Do you remember how it was?
Integrated time mixed with a warm glow.
I think maybe it was love,
That stoned feeling
When your heart takes over
And your mind feeds on another.
I'm trying to define
Our time,
Yet it's harder to grasp
As time ticks.
Tell me how it was
So I can write it down
And remember happiness.
BROKE June 11, 2002
I'm turning my mind
Trying to find
A reason to continue on.
My sons face smiles in my mind,
My lonely thoughts haunt
Anything good.
Raped my chances,
Through anything good away ;
So I bitch about the loss.
Give me pills,
I'll drop some bills
For happiness ;
I'm broke as fuck.
SEARCHING THE BEACH June 5, 2002
It's all a new,
This whole thing just
Fell into my lap,
Burning a hole into my
Skin.
I'm a flame
Hoping that you'll douse
My mind with your smile,
Crack my hatred ;
Feel my worth.
I'm a fools smile
Walking for miles
In search for your
Foot prints.
SILENT SCREAM May 15, 2002
I wish I could swallow your hatred
Maybe this pain would taste better cold.
Seems the more I see you
The better tragedy feels.
I've fallen in love with mis guided promises,
Deceived my heart
So the rest seems true.
I can't sleep another night
Choking on my dreams,
Screaming silent
To your ears ;
Hoping you hear.
If normal is this,
Life is nothing more
Than dirty water
In my clean hands.
ALL AROUND May 9, 2002
I'm left amazed,
Not by a beauty
Or of something good,
But of the bad that
Seems to revolve around
Me.
LYING TO YOURSELF May 1, 2002
The potency of my actions
Is like poison
That slowly invades my veins
Making my heart
Tremble with fear.
My mind tells my
Eyes what to see,
How to focus
And deceive my vision.
I know all too well
The answers to my questions,
Yet my ears hear nothing
But your voice ;
A simple lie.
ODD April 30, 2002
I would like to say
Oh so very much,
But alas
My insecurities overtake
All my will.
I think may be for the best
We lay rest
Any reasons too
Continue on selfishly,
Without considering
The outcome.
I can't guess
Nor fore shadow the ending,
I can only read from my script
And hope you don't ask
For changes,
Seems anything normal
Between us would be odd,
Yet to be any more different would
Seem odder still.
LOOK PAST THE WORDS April 28, 2002
I've spent far too much time
Thinking about you
And not acting on instinct.
Dusty are these words
With your name splashed upon them,
Too soft my speech
For you to hear.
My dear I've spent countless days,
That melt into years
And I'm just farther behind
What goals I've set ;
Foolishly hoping things would change.
I've spent far too much time
Trying to get acceptance,
Spent too much time
Silent and alone,
Left worrying what it is I've done ;
When I've done nothing wrong.
I've spent my time,
On wasted rhyme,
Knowing that nothing,
Maybe nothing will
Ever open your eyes
To see past there words.
I'D LIKE ... April 28, 2002
I'd like a letter
So I could sit and read
How you've been.
I'd like a phone call
So I could lie on my bed
And recall your voice.
I'd like to hold you
So I could remember
How comfort felt.
I'd like to kiss you
So I could fall asleep
Knowing love.
I'd like to make love
So I could remind
Myself it's amazing.
I'd like to talk to you
So I could find out
What's going on.
I'd like to know how you felt
So I could move on
And not be left in the dark.
I'd like to touch you
So I could believe
This coma has surpassed.
JUST A DREAM April 28, 2002
I've dreamed of such days,
Hand and hand,
Running effortlessly caring
And receiving love in return.
Sounds far fetched even to my heart,
But I've heard such facts unfold,
Been told such will even happen to me.
I think they lie,
They're trying to refine the pain that floats
Like thick oil on my watery soul,
Stealing the life from bones.
They'll fail,
It's been too long now,
It's just a dream.
CHASING RAINBOWS April 27, 2002
Wrinkled from years
This entity sits on
A rickety chair
Awaiting deaths claim.
Shamelessly starring
Into the eyes of youth
Trying to steal a few days back.
Sadness is years wasted
Chasing rainbows in hopes
That the reward will be worth
The consequence ;
It never is.
TOP SECRET April 27, 2002
Rambling,
Constant head case,
I'm far too worried ;
Everyday.
I can't seem to construct
A theory about us,
Yet I can lie,
Can't I?
I know if all was right
We'd be no longer just a nightly
Ritual cased in secrecy.
Oh fiery heart,
That I stow,
Why can't I be ;
Loved.
Does she even care?
I'M WELL AWARE April 25, 2002
I can't fall into
My past life,
Turning to false securities
For a false sense of normalcy.
UNDERSTAND April 25, 2002
At this moment,
Confusion is combating
My disappointment.
Opening my world for
You too see,
Yet you've closed the door
Upon me.
Secluded I be,
Imagining a simple answer
To a simpler question,
And yet the pause of silence
Is a dagger of death
That slashes my hope.
My candle of life
Is melting away.
Half gone is me
And still I try ;
To sway you!
It's hard to love
What can't.
Can you understand
What my hands are trying to say?
I can speak no more,
I can say no less ;
It's all been done before.
I'm not here forever,
Do you understand?
MAY HAVE April 23, 2002
When you've fallen down,
Awoken in the same clothes
You had on last week
With a crippled back from this
Decrepit sidewalk,
You may have an addiction.
OUR SONG April 23, 2002
This song can cry
A thousand tears,
Yet describe every
Memory your smile conceals.
MY SELFISH WISH April 23, 2002
Swirling winds
Taketh my heart,
Oh so far away
As be no one can find.
Disperse my thoughts
Among a few,
Tempting them to smile.
Lonely stars
Cry aloud,
No one hears,
Nor cares ;
But they wish upon them never the less.
SIMPLE April 23, 2002
We breath to live,
Though today I stopped,
Slowly realizing
I'm not immortal.
SHARED THOUGHT April 23, 2002
Catching myself
Between this and that,
So confused
That my stomach has bow-tied.
My life today
Is far,
Far away ;
Displeased I was.
I'm no farther ahead
Than behind,
Yet resting upon my bed
Blinded,
Stupid with doubts,
"Worry wart"
And endless questions
Burden our sequel.
I lie awake
And replay mistakes
I've made,
Yet never counted.
I'll try to stay pleased
Yet my self diagnosed
Disease will slowly decay
My will ;
I'm now tranquil,
And dazed as the years melt away.
Do you see?
What's become of me?
Today ;
Please hold my head
As I dream of death
And pretty things.
White galled thieves
Attack my needs,
Leaving me naked
For this world to see.
I'm not as strong as this pen,
That holds my smile
Dispensing my courage ;
For you to read.
My blood thickens
The words of few.
DREAM REVISITED April 23, 2002
Darkness guides my hands
Along your silky skin.
My body tingles
In a moment,
Once forgotten only to be
Recognized in this dream.
Animalistic patterns cris-cross
As my brain tries to keep up with it all.
Warmth turns to shivers,
Cold turns to sweat ;
Bodies reminded.
Entangled souls
Float in the wind like tall grass
Caressing the sun.
Splendors kiss
Be this,
And I can still feel you
Biting my neck ;
Dream revisited.
DENY April 20, 2002
I deny not
This existence of one,
Never before me ;
Nor never after.
I deny not
My pleasures
That dreams inflict upon me,
Oh humble and dole.
I deny not
My own laughter
That's caught in a mirrored
Twin of ones self.
I deny not
My interest in such,
Being of you
In essence of a rose.
I deny not
But of my own
Happiness.
LIFE April 14, 2002
Plant of life
Grow before me,
Liven my senses
And tweak my mind ;
Take me away from this
Fairy tale existence,
Till death knocks on my brain.
Realism is being dazed
In the headlights of another,
Cured and held
Forever in time ;
Prisoner to your words.
Release my skin,
From this prison within.
NOTHING April 13, 2002
I should feel,
But nothingness
Radiates from my body,
Keeping me warm from
The harmful regrets
I've collected.
I've decided to reveal
My deals with the devil
For all to read,
Fore shadow my climatic
Fall to Graceland. (where ever she may be)
You know what I wish,
And if not
You should be able to guess ;
I'm not as foreign to your
Touch as you may think.
I should feel
Something right now,
But nothing ;
Nothing.
HOW HIGH April 6, 2002
Often wonder
Just how far down this pipe
My mouth will suck,
How long till my head becomes
So heavy
It just falls to the floor,
I think I'd laugh
Hysterically
Until I pass out.
BROKEN DOWN April 6, 2002
I know I could fly
Right now ;
Open my eyes and jump.
Hope I land feet first
Before my hands drop
And try to pick up my broken bones ;
I broke long before
I could see.
EXPLOITATION April 1, 2002
Recite my losses
In terms that my
Mind shall comprehend
This loneliness ;
I feel nothing more.
MAGNIFY April 1, 2002
My eyes
Hide what's inside,
And my glasses magnify
My hatred of another
Day blinded by denial.
MY SUNG OUT SONG April 1, 2002
I've viewed
And pondered upon
Your skin,
In a next of kin
Melodrama.
Been stared upon,
Looked beyond
And still I think of "US"
As a two person rule.
I try to comprise,
Appear as a prize
And yet I stand blank faced
In disapproval.
I know not this "SPOT"
This "WORD"
Or "LANGUAGE"
That will turn your frown
Upside down ;
In a smile like fashion.
Scared from denial
I hide like a child
Awaiting the tides to reside,
Yet I've known all along
That this sung out song
Is dragging the years away
From "US"
As one.
SUCH IS April 1, 2002
The trees lay fallen
Where they may,
Covered in moss
And stench from
Decayed matter.
From death lives life,
And from life the cycle rotates
Into a systematic series of rules.
Such is life,
Such is fate ;
Such is me.
A LOST WORD March 29, 2002
Standing as a flag
I wave
Towards you ;
Searching for a
Feeling,
A lost word
Or emotion
To brighten my life.
SECLUDED March 23, 2002
There's a fog amidst my eyes,
This mind has left for vacation ;
Years and years ago.
Can't seem to control
The uncontrolled ;
Me as a boy
Growing as a man.
Trying to define
What I've known all along,
I can't hold my own hands.
I'm beating my voice
With my minds version of life,
Leaves me standing in the dark ;
Secluded to all that surrounds my eyes.
I can't see,
Myself anymore.
ADRIFT March 20, 2002
I dream of you more often now,
Before it was a surprise
For when I closed my eyes
You'd appear and awaken my heart.
MY OWN HANDS March 14, 2002
My mind a mist,
Shockingly vacant ;
To me.
I force myself to see
My own eyes
In a reflection of
Ongoing pain ;
Self induced.
I,
The worst enemy
Of myself.
Putting aside
My inside,
I hide
Amongst a lonely
Ailed being,
Asking for compassion.
I sit night after night
Typing away these words,
And yet I don't read them
For what they are ;
Signs.
I hold up this sign in front
Of my eyes,
Telling of how pathetic I am ;
Self hurt turns me on.
Sickly I'm made
To feel sorry for myself
Drying my own tears,
Caused by my own hands.
I EXIST March 13, 2002
Hey (fill name here),
I'm a matchstick
That has burned to the end
Numbing your fingers with pain
So you throw me away.
Yeah I'm confused,
A wasted freak
Trying to grasp my own
Hands around my throat ;
Imbalanced.
Fear drained
Looks reflect off you,
Like you can't trust my skin.
I'll admit I hide behind rhyme
Cause the words I have to say
Make no sense to me,
Have no definition
Bundled up in my tongue ;
Longing for release.
I'm jumping off a cliff
Hoping I'll crash head first
And crack open like an egg
So they'll see what's inside,
So you'll see that I'm not lying.
I exist,
I breath ;
Hesitantly around you.
I exist,
In some form ;
Evoking your attention.
NEW OUTLOOK March 9, 2002
Today I seem relieved,
For today I've breathed
In a new fashion.
Not pressed,
Nor pressured to adjust my look
To accommodate your smile.
I've always tried to bend my spine
To convert myself to a new ;
Not myself.
Today I'll be,
Forever in a day
Modestly me.
If such catches your eye
So be it,
I know what I offer
And am pleased with such.
I'm smiling at the thought
That my reflection won't
Burden
My life's quest
To hold your heart,
In the palm of my hand.
FROM 1 TO 5 March 5, 2002
I survived another day,
Myself curled in a ball
On the floor of an
All too empty room ;
Ranting.
X lay around
Like raindrops from heaven,
Tempting the unrest
To posses some euphoria
For another night.
I like to gaze at the light
As it temps my mind to
Contradict my actions.
The slightest touch becomes
The most erotic experience
Ever delivered.
Hours later drained
And wet with sweat
I wonder where my life went,
A few hours of freedom
Cost 25 bucks ;
It was easier when one was enough.
GHOSTLY LOVE March 2, 2002
While you decide,
I'm lost in nightly suicide ;
That of which my mind
Constructs while my body sleeps.
This cliffhanger role
Is taking a tole on my life.
I can no longer see,
Nor be ;
Simply human.
I feel I must change
To rearrange your charm.
I miss this person you could be,
The one that stole me.
I can't reform,
Nor justify this storm
That brews between us.
I can only stay
And pray that you'll see
Me standing here,
Trying to love you.
SPOKEN FOR March 2, 2002
I reach out for a stronghold,
A meaning from some sort of meanings ;
Where none can be told.
Seems easier to falsify
Ones self.
I call to you with all I posses
For a simplified definition
Of what a love,
If that of any means to you.
Silence seeps,
And drips from the four
Corners of this globe
Nullifying the words you speak.
I guess,
Like always.
Never right,
Never wrong ;
Never more.
INSOMNIA February 28, 2002
Knotted,
My stomach
Thinking of a simple hello.
Cowardly resting my head
On this bench,
Gazing at this used gum
I just spit out.
I'm zoned out,
Lost from a world or two.
I tell myself to discard
Your face,
But I'm lying to myself
More and more ;
Lately.
I'm trying to justify
Removing my tongue,
Thus giving me an excuse
For never saying what I should.
Trying to depict how this scene
Would unfold is like
Demanding a just psychic,
One who could see through
My cloudy eyes
And not laugh.
I'm thinking of a thousand
Faces and every one is yours,
Keeps me up for hours
And this clock hasn't moved in days ;
Pathetic ploy.
Practiced lines
That pass in my own time
As nothing is removed
From my mouth but dust.
It's been too long ;
Too long.
I'm not true
To my own.
Forgetting how I got here
Is a sick hobby,
Hiding behind a long word ;
Depression.
Tightly I hold onto my confession
So that none will breath,
You'll never hear ;
My solitude.
Sorry for my sensitive
Justifications,
I can't seem to redeem
Who I once was ;
You would have loved him,
I say that to myself while singing
Aloud,
To drown out my sorrow.
I wrote a list
Of things I miss,
Myself is selfish
But it's a truth I dismissed.
Head strong I'm not,
Simply a coward
Hiding behind some verbs
To strengthen my case.
Shyness
Is a dark plague
That inflicts my bones.
Poetry kills me,
Slowly raping my will
To be strong ;
As before.
Slowly I'm dying without you,
Cowardly sleeping you away.
My eyes draw shut,
And your face fades ;
Again.
(Written to myself while trying to remember how to sleep without you)
SMILED TODAY February 28, 2002
Dearest,
Engage this with a query.
I've left this journey
Early ;
Again.
Of mice and men
I am,
Silently fading
Into a starry sky.
Pick and choose
What it is you'll lose
In the end.
I'm merely
Me,
In better words
There are none
To bestow.
No prize it seems
I be.
Nothing kept ;
Long enough to find out.
I'm a character
You'll never understand,
Nor care too ;
So I say aloud!
Rejoice in my self incrimination,
I'll call myself stupid ;
Loudly!
Save your voice,
For the worded web
That catches your next
Victim.
I smiled today.
